I know your time is valuable and that going to meetings is not high on your agenda.  Here's an idea.  Why not get some training in your inbox?  Each month I will be sending out this tackle box to give the lures you need to reach boys and girls for Christ.  In this column I will tackle issues that are important to the life of those who minister to children.   Whether you work in the nursery, a Sunday school class, teach junior's church, I know you can find the one nugget that you can take to the bank. 

In each issue I hope to have a theme that will be prevalent throughout the whole issue.  I will also provide links to books I find interesting and tools you can use to influence boys and girls for Christ.   

This issue will deal with the impact of peer pressure on kids.  I will also give a few helpful ideas to equip kids to resist negative peer pressure.

 It is no doubt that we are all concerned about negative peer pressure.  We can all recall incidents in our lives or of those we know that typifies the damaging impact of negative peer pressure.  I have spoken to many smokers who cite the source of their first cigarette coming in their pre-teen years.  Often it was peer pressure that pushed them over the edge to have that first cigarette.  It is a painful lesson in humility to realize that friends whom they no longer associate with or know encouraged the very habit they wish to kick. 

To those of us in children’s ministry we take solace in the idea that we give boys and girls the tools to say no to negative peer pressure.  As salt and light in our society, I believe that those who make up the body of Christ have had a positive influence in our society and culture.  There are indicators, however, that gives rise to concern.  There is a study that was recently released by the Josephson Institute of Ethics that claims that kids today are more likely to steal, cheat, or lie than kids from 10 years ago.[i]  That this was found does not surprise me one bit.  However, it is of considerable surprise that those who attend religious schools or have deeply held spiritual beliefs steal, and cheat and lie at about the same rate as their secular peers.  According to the Josephson Institute, “the 2002 report… found that students who attend private religious schools were less likely to shoplift (35% vs. 39%) but more likely to cheat on exams (78% vs. 72%) and lie to teachers (86% vs. 81%).’[ii]  There were over 12,000 students surveyed for this study.  Of those surveyed, 5,858 attended religious schools and 6,845 said their religious convictions are essential/ very important.[iii]  In almost every category those with essential religious convictions and those from religious schools were willing to cheat and lie as equally as their secular counterparts.  It is also interesting to note that most of the respondents think they are better than their peers in the area of ethics.[iv]

After reading this survey there are a couple of questions that are left unanswered.  Were the religious schools Evangelical or Catholic or Lutheran or Jewish, etc.?  Also, would those who held deep religious convictions consider themselves born-again Christians?  These answers I believe are important to fully understand the survey from an Evangelical Christian background.  

We might be better served to look at the research offered by the Barna Research Group.  George Barna often uses the descriptive “born-again” in his research.  His research isn’t much more reassuring.  As a matter of fact, it is even more disturbing.  According to Barna, “When it comes to believing in absolute truth, only 9% of born again teens believe in moral absolutes and just 4% of the non-born again teens believe that there are moral absolutes.” [v]

When kids do not believe in absolute truth, lying stealing, and cheating are a means to get what they want.  According to this mindset, these behaviors can’t be wrong because there are no absolute truths.  These teens believe there are circumstances where lying, stealing, and cheating are justified and necessary.

Josh McDowell found out in his 1994 national study of churched youth that “kids who do not accept an objective standard of truth become:

• 36% more likely to lie to you as a parent!
• 48% more likely to cheat on an exam!
• 2 times more likely to physically hurt someone!
• 2 times for likely to watch a pornographic film!
• 3 times more likely to use illegal drugs!
• 6 times more likely to attempt suicide! “ [vi]

By not recognizing absolute truth, ethical dilemmas become personal opinions.  The sad part of this is that some who claim to have a moral compass would never think that their moral compass should be the norm.  They are perfectly content to let everybody have their “opinions.”  Josh McDowell correctly points out in his message to parents that the problem is tolerance.  Not the typical tolerance you and I think of.  Not the tolerance where you respect someone else regardless of his or her beliefs.  This is a tolerance that accepts all beliefs as equal.  There was a study a number of years ago in which students were asked an ethical question.  What if you were placed in a lifeboat with your pet dog and a perfect stranger?  What if there was room for only two of you.  Would you throw overboard your pet dog whom you love or the stranger?  Fifty percent of the students chose to keep their dog and throw out the human.  The rest of the class was asked what they thought of those who would keep the dog.  The vast majority of them were ok with their decision.  After all, it was their opinion and it works for them.  In a world absent of moral absolutes, one man’s opinions are just as valid as another’s. 

So, what is to be done?  First, we must model the truth of moral absolutes in our lives and actions.  Children must see that we don’t lie, cheat or steal.  They must see us stand up for the truth.  Children must know that there are absolutes in our lives and that we think these absolutes are applicable to their lives as well. 

Second, in our teaching we must teach with clarity the Word of God as absolutely true.  We must hold it as a guide for our lives and for the lives of our students.  Our students must see in our lives that we live by the Word of God.  We must give a sound apologetic for the bible as God’s revealed word to man.

When children recognize the Word of God as their guide and absolutely true they will be more inclined and empowered to say no to negative peer pressure.  When children see adults, whom they respect, model biblical behavior they will be more inclined to say no.

Third, kids must see contemporary examples of others who have not given in to negative peer pressure.  They need to know that they are not alone.  They need to know they aren’t strange.  They need to know there is a group who will stand with them and encourage them.  The church should be that group.  We should recognize young people who have pledged to live a Christian life.  We need to have ceremonies that celebrate their decision to swim against the stream. No one teen or adult likes to think they are alone standing against a corrupt culture.  Elijah knew what it meant to feel alone.  He stood up to the prophets of Baal.  He stood up for God and yet he found himself hiding and alone.  He cried out to God and said. “¹⁴ … "I have been very zealous for the LORD God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too."(1 Kings 19:14)[vii]  God, however, encouraged Elijah by informing him that 7,000 still in Israel had not bowed their knees to Baal. (1 Kings 19:18)[viii]

Knowing that your peers are standing with you is a powerful motivator.  Kids need to know that they are not alone.  They need to know that there are others standing around them that have pledged themselves to stand against the flow of negative peer pressure.  One of the most damaging influences in a child’s life is when those around them give in to negative peer pressure and lower their standards to fit in.  When the church lowers truly biblical standards to accommodate a negative culture it weakens it’s future.  It starts down a slippery slope of compromise that cheats the future generations of biblical role models.

So, how does this work out practically?  Here are a few simple measures that may be useful.  First, institute ceremonies and celebrations that recognize students who have pledged themselves to biblical integrity.  These celebrations recognize each student after they have been through a course of biblical ethics or conduct.  Such ceremonies have been successfully utilized in abstinence programs. 

Second, catch students being good.  Recognize and reward behavior that is extraordinary in our culture.  I have seen bumper stickers that say, “My child is an honor roll student at XYZ school.”  I’ve toyed with the idea of having a bumper sticker that says, “My child is learning to be an honorable person at New Life Assembly of God.”   These would be given to kids who were caught being good.

Finally, be a role model.  Don’t compromise your commitment to Christ and His word.  Don’t let popular culture conform you to be popular in it’s eyes.  Let kids catch you being good.  Even though this sounds novel, it has a tremendous impact.  Our culture provides many opportunities to teach our children how to say no to peer pressure.  Take advantage of them.  You can read more about this in the article, Teaching a Child How To Resist Peer Pressure

This newsletter is the work of Mark Kilcoyne children's pastor at New Life Assembly of God Janesville, WI.  If you would like to be removed from this newsletter, please follow the instructions below.  Any questions or suggestions can be emailed to Mark Kilcoyne.

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