Its interesting how we can often experience something that will help us later in life.

I met Tracey in 1994. We met at a conference and quickly became friends. Although we lived several states apart, our friendship grew. We began a long distance relationship a few months later. We only saw each other every few months but it didn't matter. We wrote twenty page letters to each other and talked on the phone frequently. We remained apart physically, but grew closer in all ways that mattered. We had learned to use email and spent several hours per day talking to each other. The idea was that we could talk daily without emptying our bank accounts. It never quite worked that way, but the idea was a good one.

I remember the evening clearly. It was a Sunday. Tracey had begun college less than a month earlier. The computer labs at Tracey's college had been closed since Friday so I was looking forward to talking to her. We talked by phone late that evening. I had no idea how much that evening would change my life forever. Tracey's life had changed dramatically two days earlier.

Tracey seemed distracted that night. She told me that she had something to tell me, but she didn't know how. I had been planning to visit her in a month anyway, and Tracey wanted to wait til then so we could talk face to face. Something told me that she was hurting...and if it was bad enough that she wanted to wait til we were face to face, it was probably something that shouldn't wait.

We were on the phone for several hours that night. There were probably more tears than words that night. Slowly however told me about how she had been raped two days earlier.

I remember hanging up the phone at about 6 a.m. Monday morning. Tired... My head spinning, I went outside. My campus was quiet as hardly anyone was awake yet. It had snowed early in Minnesota that year. I killed time throwing snowballs at trees (which, incidently, is a great way to release stress).

I don't remember many of my thoughts that morning, but there was no doubt in my mond that the person I cared for most in this world had been sexually assaulted. I remember being angry... Angry at the person who had raped my Partner. Anger is a natural response at times like these. Its natural to be angry at someone who raped another. What you do with that anger is another matter. If you find yourself wanting to act out at a rapist, I ask you to please find support for yourself. If you act on your anger, you could find yourself in jail. Since there is no gaurantee that a rapist will be convicted, that person may still be on the streets. While your emotion is understandable, it is my belief that your time is better spent supporting the survivor.

I spent that morning at the Womens' Center (yes, men can go there too) talking to the Sexual Assault Prevention Coordinator at my campus. She helped me a lot that day. In fact, she still does.

Its been many years since Tracey was assaulted. I will NEVER say that I know exactly how Tracey feels, but but both of us have been through a range of emotions. Things are a lot easier now than they used to be, however each day continues to be a learning experience. We are a local couple now, and we continue to grow daily. Tracey still has flashbacks, depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. I still get support for myself too.

Tracey is an unbelievable woman. She has been through more than I ever will. She has hard days, but she has good days too. Together we give seminars on sexual violence prevention. This year we became trained advocates for our local sexual assault center.

We take things day by day. We make it...together.