HUNTER

Bright eyes and quick smiles abounded in a ball of energy known as Hunter. White blonde hair and sweetness that rivaled the purest sugar on earth was equally measured along with impishness and a strong will so evident from his early age.

Though taken from us too soon at only two years of age, he touched so many lives, not the least of which, my own. He will be missed and will never be forgotten. Rest now, sweet baby and know you are always loved.

Vanishing Friend Sydrome

Don't you just love it when people vanish off the face of the earth and are never heard from again? Doesn't it just make the rest of your life to be left wondering "where the heck (insert name here) is" or "what did I do wrong"?

Now, of course I'm being facetious here, but haven't we all known someone that we've grown close to...or thought we did...that just pulled up stakes and left us wondering? Well, ok, maybe it's just me. But trust me here...IT BLOWS to give your friendship and devotion and then to have it thrown back in your face!!!!!

I guess they must've had their reasons, but to me, nothing could justify turning your back on someone after professing to being their friend. Call me "old fashioned" or "naive" but using people just isn't kosher. See, there's this little thing called Karma. And, trust me, it sucks to reap what you sow.

So, please, think about that someone out there that cares about you still and was left wondering what went wrong. Find the courage to drop them a line and let them know that you're still breathing. Whatever it is, it might not be as bad as you think. It certainly couldn't be worse than losing a friend.

Youthful Dreams

You know, it's funny how the dreams of youth never seem to become the realities of middle age.

Ok, whoa. I know that's a BIG load to swallow right off the bat. But it's true. I wonder if everyone else had big dreams for their life as I did when I was young. I was going to be a famous singer (in some really kewl genre like opera...lol) but, alas, the closest I ever got was a tour of the Metropolitan Opera House while on holiday in New York City some, OH MY GOSH, has it really been 17 years ago????

I was accepted to Juliard at age 17, but being from a small, sheltered, southern town, it simply was not done for a young lady to move away from home to a big city and live alone. So there went my youthful dream of fame and fortune and I settled for life as something quite different indeed.

No, settled is not the right word for it. I never settled for anything in my life. I made decisions, took alternate paths along the road of my life and lived with my own consequences. And, I can't say that I'm not happy. No, wealth, power, fame and fortune did not come my way as once expected. But neither did the bitterness of lost dreams.

I have wonderful friends whom I love and cherish...friends that have always been there for me...and a family that I love dearly. There are also those dear to my heart, yet far away in body that I will never let go. So, above all, I would have to say I am blessed and very thankful that sometimes dreams do not come true.

SECOND CHANCES

How often is it in this dark comedy we like to call "real life" that we as human beings actually get a second chance once we've monumentally f*cked up? Personally, I've never known it to happen until this year. Always before, the proverbial bridges were errevocably burned on my past loves, jobs and situations. Nothing could be farther from the truth now.

I've never been one to give my love, loyalty, respect or friendship lightly. Likewise, I tend to demand as much from those who do gain my trust. Perhaps I'm too demanding of them or expect too much, but I never really thought so. I mean, shouldn't we, as individuals, decide for ourselves what we're worth and expect no less from those within our inner circle?

So there I was, rocking along, meeting new people, going new places, when WHAM, I'm broadsided by someone who completely took my breath away and quite literally swept me off my feet. I suppose the term "whirlwind" wouldn't be too far from the truth when used to describe the relationship. But after 2 years of bliss, I woke up one day to discover that it was over...done...*poof*...GONE. And I was devastated, to say the least.

For 3 long years I agonized over the absence of the lowest common denominator of the relationship....the friendship. I missed the long talks about absolutely EVERYTHING under the sun. I missed my sentences being completed before I really even knew what I wanted to say myself. I missed the laughter and yes, even the tears that were few and far between. I felt like a part of me was missing...maybe the best part. And it hurt.

Then, just a few weeks ago, fate was kind. A hurt was mended, a friendship was rekindled, laughter and light returned to two lives that, by the admittance of both, had been dim...and we both found that Second Chances really do happen in real life.

Satisfaction???

I wonder if anyone, like me, looks back on their lives and wonders what about themselves would be different if another path had been chosen on any given day.  A different decision made, a problem solved differently and the entire outcome of ones life might be utterly altered. 

Or perhaps not.  Perhaps we are set upon a given path in life and all roads lead to a singular outcome...our one and only destiny. 

I've always thought that for every person's reality there were an infinite number of other possiblities/realities out there and that perhaps there were other "me's" living other lives in those alternate realities.  Could it be that this is the reason for the phenomenon of deja vu? 

Perhaps we have lived another life before this one and experienced the same or similar set of events which alter our consciousness in this reality...hence the feeling of deja vu.  Or perhaps we are living countless other lives right now, in countless other realities, which might have experienced similar events to the reality of the here and now.

Boggles the mind, eh?  Maybe I'm just twisted and I dwell on more than my tiny mind can handle.  Thought I'd like to think that I'd been given this most curious of natures for a purpose.  Perhaps one day all my questions will be answered.  I just can't buy that line about "somethings are just not for us to know".  If that's the case, then why bother asking the question in the first place?

1st Cafe Mindworks Blog

So, being new to this wonderful world of "blogging" I decided to have a go at creating my own. Hopefully, the internet realm will cut me some slack and not be too brutal for the time it takes me to become comfortable with this venue.

I've never been much for "putting myself out there" for all the world to see. And creating this website, Cafe Mindworks, was difficult in and of itself. Not the HTML coding or the design of the site...oh no...it was the fact that I pretty much laid my soul bare for everyone by posting all of my original poetry, short stories and artwork.

It's taken 34 years for me to be able to let go of enough of myself to share my deepest thoughts and desires with others...lots of others, via the internet. Oh sure there has been the occasional "friend" with whom I have bonded and shared bits and pieces of myself, but those relationships never seemed to last and with every rejection, I tended to withdraw that much more into my protective shell. Until, at last, it was very clear to me that if I didn't make a break from myself and my old, bad defensive habits, I just might retreat from the world for good.

So, I ended up here. With this website and this blog...hoping that, even if noone else cared enough to read my "journal", that I would benefit from the writing and maybe learn a bit more about myself in the process.