ORIGINAL POETRY - PAGE 8

THE REALITY OF MY DREAMS

Drawn to a place inside myself
I cower in a dark corner of my own existence.
Daily I hide from the monotony that is my life,
And take refuge in the reality of my dreams. (11/8/2000)

SEARCH AND REWARD

My life, it seems, has been a search
Through many smiles and tears,
For one to make my soul complete
To see me through the years.

I searched in places now I know
I never should have been,
I took the roads both high and low
Glimpsed happiness now and then.

But still I wandered through darkest night
Toward the light of you,
And stumbled along battling cold and fright
Not knowing what else to do.

Only seeing my future before me
Only hearing you call my name,
Only tasting the bitterest tang of loss
Only feeling the price of pain.

Knowing today that you and I
Would be the we of tomorrow,
I ran life's race, I fought life's fight
I met head on the sorrow,

Of all that this life has tossed my way
And yet all for naught if untrue,
The simplest and sweetest of gifts was for me,
My most precious and beloved, you. (11-19-2000/jmp)

GOODBYE

I woke this morning to the trust
That has always existed between us,
To the safety and security of your love,
To the purity and wonder of your protectiveness.

I woke this morning to the blissful,
Peaceful joy of belonging,
To the shelter of your arms,
And the knowledge that you were truly mine.

My day progressed as all days do,
With mundane duties that pay the bills,
And the sweet, quiet, inner harmony
That comes with thoughts of being in love with you.

My day progressed with a balance born of hours
Of conversation replete with words of adoration,
And kindled fires of devotion from two souls
Connected through countless lifetimes.

Night, however, brought forth the emptiness
Of a heart separated from the one it held so dear,
And the darkness that waits for the single
Ray of light that is your voice.

But this night would be my heart's undoing.
Your words held only a coldness,
A hatred I've never experienced from the one
Who professed his very life for me.

This night trust was broken, a bond was shattered,
This night our love ended as my tears flowed.
This night you tossed my spirit to the four winds,
This night you said goodbye and my heart died. (11-20-2000/jmp)

ABSENCE

And when you left me,
The colors of every rainbow
Were swallowed by my shame,
Leaving my world bleak, dark,
And shrouded in the misery
Of absence. (11-27-00/jmp)

THINK OF ME

Think of me once in a while as I,
So often think of you.
And greet that thought with the warmth of a smile
To know that my heart is true.
How happy we've been as we discover
That our love expands day by day.
How blessed I am to call you my lover,
And to every deity I pray,
That for all the rest of my life until,
The last day should come to an end,
That you would not only call me your wife
But your lover, your soulmate...your friend. (11-27-2000/kk)

THE COWARD'S THRONE

I sit atop a fence of indecision.
On one side there is security, stability,
And the unconditional love of a heart that surrendered to me
So long ago.
On the other side there is passion, fire,
Unyielding desire that burns me body and soul and leaves me
Longing for more.
The fence, it seems, is my safe haven.
Perched high aloft, I am above the pain that always
Follows when I favor one side over the other.
I know I should commit to a side and then close
My eyes and leap.
But then how would I remain true to my
Decision and not forever long for what lies on the
Other side?
Perhaps that is the question the heart has been asking
Since the beginning of time.
So once again I ascend to the top of my fence of indecision,
And take my place upon the coward's throne. (11-27-2000)

LIFE'S REVOLUTION

Waiting anxiously for tomorrow
Yet holding tight to yesterday,
Hopes and expectations are built
Upon the solid foundation of memories.

Dreaming of the future while
Still grounded in the past,
All the yesterdays of today
Are the todays of my tomorrow.

Round and round this circle of life
Daily spins in an unchanging orb.
Yet I know I have been before
And ever shall be again.

Where did I get on?
How many lives have I lived before?
Where will I get off?
How many more lives are yet to come?

Question after question plagues my mind
in its limited understanding.
The only thing of which I am certain
As I travel the today of this life,

Is that you were with me yesterday,
And we walked this road together,
And without you,
There will be no tomorrow. (11-27-2000/jmp)

ME & YOU

Together the briefest of spans on this rock,
Together mind, spirit and soul,
Together, we hoped, in body someday,
Together in love to grow old.

But the joys of this life all too soon so it seems
Give way to the pain that must come,
So that when we pick ourselves up once again
We know joy when the pain is done.

So long now I fought to hold onto a dream
That I thought we shared and yet,
I know now that dreamers must awaken and give way
When the dawn of reality is set.

And dreams too fade like the mists of morn
When the harsh rays of sunlight refuse
To allow the mists to linger lest the
Sun be forced to recuse.

To recant her vow to shine in the heavens
And give life to all below,
To falter in her dedication
Of reality's ebb and flow.

Likewise, it seems that you must break
The vows to me you once spoke,
For your own sake now you cast me aside
Knowing not 'twas my heart you broke,

When you clinically explained the ups and downs
Of our love you now saw as a chain,
Binding you to me not in love as once was
But now only binding in pain.

So this one last goodbye I speak to you, love
This one final act I can do,
Transmuting what was the most precious "us"
Into simply a "me" and a "you". (03-19-01/mbh)

THE MYSTERY OF FATE

The miles of separation
Feed the pain within my soul,
The ache to feel you near me
Saps my strength makes me feel old.

I dream each night that once again
We come together as one,
And the joy I feel throughout the night
Ebbs with the first rays of dawn.

It falls away, it runs and hides
From responsibilities,
That plague my life and keep me from
The dreams that set me free.

Why must I only observe each day
This circus that's called my life?
And why must I be such a slave,
To each day's mundane strife?

The enticing spell of all my dreams
Cannot break the chains
That seems to have me within the grasp
Of another day's lonely pain.

Why does it seem I've no control
O're the mysterious plan of fate,
Must I sit now idly by
While some force unseen dictates,

The how's and when's of seconds and minutes
That span the days and weeks
Of all the months and years I've lived
Without yet reaching the peak,

Of the mountain of love I know exists
That we climb together each day,
Of the life we strive to create together
From which I have no wish to stray.

I can't explain the helplessness
That grips my soul and yet
I live each day remembering
Times with you I could never regret.

So take my hand beloved
For you know you have my heart,
And hold it tight within your own
That we may never part.

Please treat my heart with care, my love
For it follows where e're you lead
And know that it could want for naught
For your love is all I need. (03-01-01/jmp)

FOR THOSE WHO'VE TOUCHED ME

There are turning points in everyone's life.
Moments when you just KNOW that your life
will never be the same again.
One glance across a crowded room.
One nod of the head to a stranger passing on the street,
and the course of your destiny is inexplicably
altered.

Mind-boggling actually,
to think of the diversions and conversions of the
figurative roads of my life.
So many people have walked in and out
the revolving door of my consciousness,
touching my life in ways
that no one else on earth could.
Changing me.
Developing me.
Creating me.
Making me into who and what I am today,
what I hope is a woman of character,
a woman with pride in herself
and what she's done with her life, thusfar.

To those who caused me pain,
to those in my future who hold hurts yet to be known,
I thank you.
For you have given me strength beyond measure.
I know that by facing you
and getting through that pain
I CAN overcome the obstacles
that seek to cause me to stumble.

To those who put me in my place time and again,
I thank you.
You instilled in me a humility,
a sincerity that balances my pride
and holds my ego in check.

To those who challenged my mind and character,
I thank you.
You caused me to grow
beyond even my own expectations
and desires for myself.
You made me fight to reach and even surpass
the goals I set for myself.

To those who touched my heart
with your kindness and gentility,
I thank you.
You taught me how to be a "lady",
how to treat others
as I want to be treated,
how to be truly happy.

But most of all,
to those who truly KNOW me,
inside and out,
heart,
mind,
body and soul,
beauty and ugliness,
bubbles and melancholy,
and still speak to me on a regular basis,
I thank you.
You have given me the greatest gift of all,
the gift of your love,
your unconditional acceptance
and I am proud to be considered your friend.

So you see, we are, each of us,
so much more than the collaboration of our DNA,
the genes of our forefathers.
We are the culmination of all those who touch us daily,
even if only for a moment,
even if only for
the glance of our eyes someone's way,
we change them,
influence them
and add to the person they are to ultimately become.
What power in this knowledge,
and in knowing this truth
NOONE should ever again feel insignificant.

I am all those who came before me.
I am all those around me daily.
And I will continue in others
long after my bones lie in dust
on this rock I call home. (04-08-01/ccs)

I REMEMBER

Relegated to the shadows
On the outskirts of your life,
I sit silently, worriedly
Watching as you move on without me.

Though not enough, I gave you
All that was mine to give.
My love, strength, devotion, passion.
All that I possessed was yours.

Now all that remains for me
Are memories, ghosts in the
Twilight of some long-forgotten dream.
Memories that follow me day and night.

I remember the smile in your eyes as you
Gazed down upon me before each kiss.
And the steady beat of your heart as my
Head lay pillowed upon your chest.

I remember the gentle tug of your fingers as you
Wove them through my hair each night.
And the peacefully reassuring rasps of your breath
As we lay sleeping in each others arms.

I remember your smile so winning, and so quick
To bless me and brighten my day.
And your laughter still rings in my ears
From some sad attempt by me to tell a joke.

I remember every line of your body,
Every silken strand of hair on your head.
And how those lines felt when pressed against
My curves which seemed to fit you like a glove.

I remember the soft sighs in your throat
As I kissed you while you slept.
And the groans of ecstasy my body pulled
From yours in the heat of passion.

I remember vows of love and plans for the future
So easily falling from lips I still long to kiss.
And the reassuring promises that we had forever
To live in love with each other.

I remember rainbows and light that filled
My days with colorful hopes for our future.
And moonlight and starry skies that filled
My nights with beautiful dreams of you.

I remember tears of parting as I watched you
Walk out of my life.
And the softly whispered word I thought never
To hear from you...the word 'goodbye'.

I remember the cold darkness that descended
On my heart when you pushed me away.
And the bleak shades of gray that enveloped me
And clung as you said 'we can still be friends'.

I remember every minute of every day since
The first minute I knew you.
And though I try even now, I know I will never
Be able to forget you, as long as I remember. (04-23-01/mbh)

THE WORD

I close my eyes to hide from the hurt
But each effort I make seems only to mock my pain,
You're lost to me now,
I realize that more and more as each day passes.

How can I *be* now, when once I was yours?
Who am I? How do I define myself?
I was yours, to have and to hold.
I was yours, to love...I was YOURS.

We had the rest of our lives before us,
To love, honor and cherish each other.
We had each other for better or worse
To see us through any future hardship.

But with one word from your lips
All that I held dear, every promise,
Was ripped from my soul,
My dreams for the future scattered to the four winds.

Every beat of my heart is one more heartbeat
Separating me from you.
Every breath of my lungs is one more breath
I'll take without you in my life.

My brain echoes with the finality of your voice
As you whispered the word that sealed my fate.
The barren wasteland of my soul reverberates with it,
Like the lid being closed on the sepulcher of my heart.

I awaken each day from the dream of what was
To face another cold day without you.
I lie awake each night knowing we can never be again,
And my heart fills again with the dream that was us.

You swore that you loved me.
You promised me forever.
But I suppose forever was
Invariably too long a time for us.

Now, I sit alone,
Aching with the chill of the word that haunts me,
Remembering how your voice broke
As you whispered...'goodbye'. (04/23/01 mbh)