ORIGINAL POETRY - PAGE 9

JUDGEMENT

I reached out into the darkness of my pain.
There I found only mirrors of inquisition,
Lining the path of life,
Mocking me with my own mediocrity.
I stood before each of those reflecting eyes,
With my head held high, hands clenched tightly
Into fists of defiance, daring you to sit
In judgement on yourselves even as you
Sit in judgement on me now. (06-01-2001)

HARVEST TIME

Dreams like wilting flowers fade
To weeds that choke the sod,
The choices made today
Become the future path we've trod.
Broken dreams and shattered hopes
Like so much sand upon the shore,
Yields a life without direction
As a boat without an oar.
Hopes and yearnings binding hearts
With silken chains of sweet regret,
Fill the soul with darkest longing
To at last give up, and yet...
There's a light beyond each tunnel
A silver lining to each cloud,
Rainbows from the darkest storm
A veil lifted from each shroud.
From each tear we grow and learn
Seeding hopes to spring anew,
Tilling fertile soils of honor
‘Til there's nothing left to rue.
From each dawn we gather strength
From each lesson that we learn,
The will to live and dream again
Within us starts to burn.
‘Til bit by bit and day by day
Our life becomes our own,
And we live with steadfast choices
Bound to reap what we have sown. (06-01-2001)

AWARENESS

Destiny plays out before me
like some unseen chess game
on an endless ethereal menagerie
of black and white.
As a pawn
upon the playing field of my life,
I am manipulated and positioned
by the fates
to take my place
and fulfil the master plan.
Fear washes over me
as a tidal wave
engulfing and destroying
a blissfully unaware landscape
of pride, mock-confidence and self-deceit.
This wave of truth
purges my soul,
washing clean
all that would seek to destroy me
through filth and lies.
I am reborn,
new and naked before all creation.
I am one with all that came before me.
I am one with all that surrounds me.
I am one with infinity.
The essence that is me
permeates every minute particle of existence,
forcing me daily to lose myself
in the countless paths that intersect my own,
only to discover myself
in every path to come. (7-27-01)

PASSIVE REFLECTION

Sitting,
A passive observer
In this hectic adventure called life.
It seems no matter how I try,
Each outcome seems fated
To play out as it will.

Drowning,
In a bottomless sea of care and worries,
I lift my head one last time
Above the countless waves of contention
Which pitch and roll,
Tossing me to and fro.

Thinking,
All around me strife and contention,
That all was destiny and
Out of my control,
I am once again faced with the
Inevitable truth of choices.

Walking,
Barefoot through the misty morning,
Dew-laden grasses
Of my remembrances,
I happen upon thoughts of you
And stop to smile.

Smiling,
As the thoughts blanketed
The soft mosses of my mind
With a sprinkling of colourful,
Fragrant memories
Of the sacred moments we've shared.

Becoming,
So lost in each other
The moment our eyes first met,
That the rest of the world seemed,
At least for a while,
To disappear;

Dreaming,
Again of the first time we touched
And flames of desire engulfed our bodies;
The first time we kissed,
And our souls
Became one for all eternity;

Aching,
As thoughts
Of the first time
We parted
Envelope me,
And choke my heart with grief.

Knowing,
Without a second's hesitation,
That I would never again
Be complete,
Unless you were ever there
To complete me. (9-10-2001)

WHY SHOULD I CARE?

Why should I care if you think me obtuse,
Self-absorbed, sarcastic and wry?
Why should I let any word that you say,
Cut me so deeply I cry?
Why do you take such pleasure in wounding
The one that once you held dear?
And why must satisfaction for you
Be bought with the price of a tear?

I never knew anyone so cruel
With no other intent than this.
But that with a lie as old as time
You'd betray me with a kiss.
With the breath from your lips in the form of a word,
You drove deeply your knife in my chest.
With the feather-soft touch of your flesh upon mine
You strove to give me no rest.

You watched with delight as I reached for the top
Where I sought only you to please.
You silently mocked as I climbed without respite,
And knelt before you on my knees.
You gave me hope that your love I had found,
Then snatched it away without reason.
You were the cause of my heart's betrayal
The greatest of all love's treason.

So why then to me should it matter so much,
That you still seek to wound with your words?
That you can still get beneath all the walls
Causing my ire to surge?
What causes me to analyze
All that I may have done wrong,
To sit and ponder til nearly mad
At my weakness where you remain strong.

I wish that I had the strength to look past
All the heartache of our history and see,
What could possibly be any reason you had
To continue to want to hurt me.
But I'm tired of all the mental games
That seems to accompany you.
And I have no desire to waste my time
On relations that never were true.
So save your energy, your time and efforts,
Waste them on me no more.
For I cannot continue to emotionally spar
When I am so very heartsore.
Think no more of ways to bruise
To batter, to rend and shred
The heart of one who vows this night
Over you no more tears will she shed. (2-8-2002/mbh)

BURIAL AT SEA

Things remembered,
Lives recalled.
Oceans of memories washing over me,
Every day, every minute,
Tossing me to and fro on blustery waves
Each night as soon as I close my eyes.

Grasping tidal arms enfold me
In their briney embrace,
Pulling and tugging at me,
As though to suck me down
Into the ever-darkening depths, where despair
And chaos rule with a velvet-gloved iron fist. (11-6-2001)

ON DEATH

From the moment of birth,
Though growth and development
Occur in each of us,
We are actively dying
And it’s only a matter of time.
So in realizing this,
It’s safe to surmise
That to get busy living,
We must get busy dying. (11-7-2001)

RESTING IN THE ARMS OF CHILDHOOD

I check on my sleeping angel one last time
And am reminded of how peaceful and restful
My own sleep was when I was young,
Carefree and unafraid.
And a longing for those feelings
Again rises up within me,
Threatening to drag me back
To that dark place within that beckons
Like Scylla to the wayward venturer
In the myths of old.
When will this melancholy vortex release me? (11-8-2001)

SYRUPY SWEET

Soft and fluffy,
Warm and fuzzy.
Swirls of steam rising from a mug
Of hot cocoa on a cold winter day.
Fields of sunflowers
Bending their heads
Before the majesty of creation,
Then lifting them heavenward
To catch a glimpse of God
Smiling down,
Before blessing them
With a kiss of rain. (11-9-2001)

THOUGHTS

Random thoughts,
No words but these nonsensical ramblings
Of frustration and irritation.
The idle chatter
And hysterical laughter
Of a tortured mind, internalized,
Crawling and boring
Through a fragile psyche,
Devouring hope and self-control
Is the one constant
In a chaotic esixtance. (11-11-2001)

ON STARS

Countless worlds
Winking and blinking in the night sky.
Each star a sun like our own
With planets circling,
Paying homage to its power.
How many times I’ve wondered
Why these worlds
Hang in their existence,
If not to nurtures others like me
Who lie awake in the dark
And wonder. (11-12-2001)

SOLACE

In the past whenever I needed to escape,
I ran away in my mind.
Where do I go now
That there seems to be
No escape from my mind
And the memories and dreams
That haunt me there. (11-13-2001)