Why is Annie Doing It

Losing Weight sucks.    I hate eating less than I burn off.    I want to eat myself silly, all of the time!    Eating is fun, enjoyable, makes me feel good.    Dieting does not.    The only thing is, I've gotten to the point where being fat sucks worse than dieting does.    Here are a list of reasons why I want to lose weight, along with notes on when they've been met, where applicable.       Here's the list, in no particular order at all.    At the end, I tell the story of the story of what actually motivated me to start.    Note, it's not really the smartest reason for losing weight, just the one thing that pushed me over the edge. I want to look better:          I know I look bad.    You can go look at the section of this site with my pictures and see that even having lost close to 40 pounds, I still am not what most people would consider good looking.    I don't know that I ever will be, but at least if I get down to a reasonable weight, I have a fighting chance at it. Status: Not achieved yet. I want my knees (particularly the left one) to feel better:       Slowly but surely, my knees are giving out.    It's mainly just the left one now, but sometimes the right as well.    It hurts to walk, and I can hear grinding and popping sounds as I move it.    Status: My left knee still hurts from time to time, but alot less than it did before.    I can really tell a difference in how I feel from when I started. I'm simply tired of being ashamed of my weight:       Most people are far too polite to say anything, but I know that everyone thinks of me as "the really fat one".    I'm getting beyond "That girl must like to eat" territory and landing in "Whoa! What happened there!?" Land.    Sometimes I don't want to meet anyone new, since I don't want another person knowing how fat I really am.    I'm not really the shy type, and this is pretty hard on me. Status: It's getting better.   I still have feelings of shame, but knowing that I've done something about it has helped alot. I want to be able to buy good looking clothes right off the rack:       I hate having to look for the Plus sizes when I shop, and then having to look for the biggest size they got.    It's simply humiliating.    Not to mention that clothes in that size range, at least in my budget, are generally speaking not all that good looking.   I want to be able to walk into any normal place that sells clothes, and find something cute that I don't look horrific in. Status: Well, not there yet. But I have had to buy new work clothes because my old outfits were fitting me like clown clothes.   Not all I want, but a big improvement. I don't want to get diabetes like my father:       My dad has this.    He's always been very heavy.    I'm very heavy as well, and I knew, just *knew* that I would get this disease as well.    For years, I've just accepted that it was a done deal. Status: Recently went to the doctor's, and my blood sugar level was ok.    I don't know what it was before I started dieting, but losing weight can only have helped, right? I want to be able to be sexy for my husband:       I know that he loves me.    But I can also tell that he isn't physically attracted to me.    And I can't blame him a bit for that.    I was much thinner when we met.    I let myself go.    I'd like for there to at least be a possibility that it might not be a chore to see me naked. Status: Got a long way to go on this one. I want to be able to easily fit in a movie theater seat :       Sitting in the movie theater was uncomfortable, because I could feel the sides of the arms tight against my body.    I literally had to wedge myself in.    No matter how good the flick is, this is a constant reminder that I'm way too fat. Status: Achieved. I can now sit in theater seat and not have my sides touching at all.    And it feels simply wonderful. I want the restraining bars on the rollercoasters at Six Flags to go down more than one click for me:       I'm not a big rollercoaster fan, but I will occasionally get on one.    The last time I was at Six Flags, I got on a huge wooden one that went insanely fast.    The bar only went down one click for me.    I was terrified that that might not be enough, that I might be launched from my car and hurled into a funnel cake fryer on the other side of the park.    I was almost in tears in when the train pulled away from the station.    I almost shouted out "Wait, wait, I'm too fat to be in this thing!" Status: Unknown, haven't been back to Six Flags.    But I suspect I'd get a couple more clicks out of that bar now. I want to fit comfortable in restaurant booths that have the table fixed to the floor:       It's getting harder and harder for me to even sit comfortably in a booth since my belly nudges up against the table.    Another reminder that things are getting way out of control. Status: Achieved. Sitting in booths is no problem at all now.    And again, it feels wonderful. I miss having a lap:       When one of my cats crawls up on me, it's pretty clear that they don't have alot of room to work with.    They seem to accept this fine, but it's kinda hard on me. Status: It's getting better.    I've still got way too much belly, but my lap area is indeed increasing.       So many good reasons to lose weight.   The actual trigger that motivated me, though, was a pretty silly one.   I love to watch the show on FoodTV, Good Eats.    It's an entertaining show that blends science, humor, and cooking how to in format that just plain fun to watch.    The host of the show is Alton Brown, who if not particularly handsome, is very charming and engaging to watch.   I also am of a member of the Good Eats Fan Page Forums.   Shortly after I joined there, someone posted a thread about a quote from Mr. Brown where he states that when he meets with his fans who are fat, he wishes that they would spend less time watching his show and more time getting healthier.      As you might expect, there was quite a bit of controversy over this quote.   Many people stated that this was a perfectly reasonable sentiment, to which I agreed.    Others also said that in light of this view, they wouldn't be comfortable ever meeting Mr. Brown, knowing that they would at least in some manner be looked down on, even if he was too polite to let on to it in public.   I also was in this camp.    And it hit me.   If I were ashamed enough of myself to be uncomfortable enough not to want to be seen by someone that was expressing a perfectly reasonable sentiment, then maybe it really was time to start doing something about it.      Silly, like I said.   My chances of ever meeting Mr. Brown, regardless of my weight, are vanishingling small (I'm not the type to go to book signings or pay for a specialty class just to meet someone whose show I enjoy).   But it was the straw that broke the camel's back, and finally kick started me to into starting my new way of life. 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