FEAR
- of being alone, and/or of being in crowds
- of rapist returning
- of places, people, things that remind me of the assault
- of others finding out -- of what they will think
- Fear if it happening again
- of men in general
- of having to report or go to court
- of my children being assaulted
- of my own rape
- of going to sleep (recurring nightmares)
GUILT
- for having "caused the rape"
- for not resisting more; for resisting too much
- for being "stupid" enough to get into that situation
- for all the reactions I am having
- for not being able to nurture others at this time
- for having "engaged in sex" (cultural/religious implications)
ANGER
- at myself for "letting it happen"
- at my significant others for not understanding/protecting
- at society and the system
- at the assailant - may want to kill, capture or humiliate him
- at the total disruption of life
SHAME, EMBARRASSMENT
- feel dirty, despoiled, humiliated
- feel everyone can tell by looking at me
BETRAYAL
- by assailant, if someone I knew, however briefly
- by God
- by reactions of significant others
- by the system
LACK OF TRUST
- of my own ability to make judgments
- of men in general
POWERLESSNESS AND DEPRESSION
- feel I've lost all control over my body and my life
- feel helpless to effect change
- feel it will never get better
- feel totally victimized by the assault
- feel totally victimized by being a woman in this society
What Others Could Have Done To Help Me
- Sent me encouraging cards from time to time
- Invited me to concerts or church doings
- Taken me to places of nature
- Given me lots of hugs
- Asked me from time to time how I was doing
- Understood when I was sad and in bad moods (angry)
- Been extra kind to me
- Asked me if I wanted to talk and then taken the time to listen
- Allowed me to tell them the details (when I was ready to tell them)
- Allowed me to cry without telling me to stop
- Expressed understanding
- Given assistance to find counseling and/or doctors, if needed
- Read books and articles on the subject to be a more effective helper
- Given me books or articles to read that could help me
Things Not To Say And Do
- Don't ask what I did to cause the attack.
- Don't say it's over, just forget it. Allow me to grieve.
- Don't tell me to smile, it's not all that bad. IT IS.
- Don't criticize me for the rape. It wasn't my fault. No matter what I
did, nobody has the right to kill me emotionally, humiliate, abuse,
overpower and cripple me.
- Don't tell me it has to be kept a secret. Then it just stays inside --
all the guilt, shame and agony.