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By Andrea Lanier, Group Facilitator previous page/next page
Sometimes, briefly, she gets trapped into impatience and into wishing she could just give up. But hen she remembers that she has overcome challenges in the past, and she continues to learn more about how to improve her life with GAD all the time. Furthermore, memories of past times of severe discomfort like these are her incentive to continuously work on influencing her condition with her thoughts and her behavior. She stays vigilant of unrealistic thoughts and replaces them with more functional thoughts. She practices self-care through proper nutrition, meditation, regular and adequate sleep, regular exercise, and recreation with friends. Yet unfortunately, the effects of her disorder on her, and the interaction between her disorder and her environment are beyond her control.
Often she has to push past her need to take breaks because college classes, or work, or perceived social pressures make demands on her that are beyond her control. For a short while, this will not result in major negative consequences because she can get by on returning her mind to become centered and briefly focusing on relaxing her body, a skill cultivated through regular meditation practice.
She also tends to push past her need for breaks because she runs out of patience for herself and her disorder. She wishes so much that she could be as active as she perceives other people to be, but GAD appears to prevent this for her. Continuous activity and stimulation of her senses, even just watching an unexciting movie, result in an accumulation of physical tension that can only be influenced by regular concentrated relaxation efforts. Then she might also like to promise herself "just one more activity and then I'll take a break," because she gets trapped into believing that she will feel better if all tasks are completed and she does not have to worry about them anymore.
During her better days, meditation practice twice a day for a minimum of twenty minutes are sufficient to relax and refocus her mind and her body. But she has been experiencing a continuous increase of anxiety symptoms for a couple of months because her coping skills did not balance the amount of her external and internal stressors, and she has only recently begun to recuperate. Therefore, she has to take brief breaks more frequently to release the ever-clutching tension in her body. However, her ability to recognize the tension that arises from fear has recently improved, allowing her to let go of the fear more quickly, which should speed up an increase in her well being.
After her short relaxation break, she feels re-energized and ready to go to her college class. Depending on the professor, this can be a good or bad experience for her. She appreciates a clear outline of activities and a modest pace, while disorganized and rapid lecturers are a nightmare for her. But today is an exam day. She has learned that she does best to keep her thoughts on neutral and on relaxing her body just before the exam instead of trying to read or recite the exam material again. The pre-exam adrenaline released at the actual start of exam is sufficient to re-alert her mind to perform as needed; any more adrenaline would hinder her clarity of thought. She knows that thorough preparation is essential, as well as countering thoughts that predict failure. She has learned to relax about the outcome at least just before and while taking exams. Yet and still, during the exam, sometimes her mind goes blank from the intensity of her problem solving or from trying to remember to hard what she has learned. This used to frighten her, further impeding clarity of thought and memory. But now she knows to allow her brain a moment to find a neutral focus, trusting the answers to come more easily this way.
Back at home, before lunch; she practices meditation to release accumulated tension and to restore her energy for the rest of the day. Without food in her body and added glucose/energy in her blood and brain, meditation practice is more effective. With GAD, she constantly feels as if her mind was a corral and her thoughts wild horses running free. She becomes even more aware of this when practices meditation; and if she "feeds the horses" before trying to calm them, calming them becomes an even greater challenge. But food or no food, meditation practice with GAD is a constant challenge. She has learned to be accepting of her meditation experience no matter the outcome. She has learned that she has to trust herself and the meditation process, regardless of its nature, for her meditation practice to be effective.
After lunch, she dedicates the afternoon to her studies. It is difficult for her to focus on the text she needs to read. She has to read slowly. Some paragraphs she has to read twice or more to be able to comprehend. Patiently keeping her focus on the task, it does become a little easier. However, it is difficult to focus on reading, comprehending, relaxing, and breathing all at the same time. Therefore, she builds up much tension during this or any activity. She often pushes past signals from her body that tell her it would be better to take a break because there is just too much she needs to do. But today, the memory from the last time that she failed to take enough breaks, causing her overall sense of well being and ability to function to deteriorate, motivate her to take breaks more frequently. Consequently, she still has energy left to go back to another class after dinner.
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