MAINE COMPUTER TECHNOLOGY

1. Log on - Make the wood stove hotter.

2. Log off - Don't add no more wood.

3. Monitor - Keep an eye on that wood stove.

4. Download - Getting the firewood off the truck.

5. Floppy disk - What you get from trying to carry too much firewood.

6. Ram - The thing that splits the firewood.

7. Hard Drive - Getting home in the winter.

8. Prompt - What the mail ain't in the winter.

9. Window - What to shut when it's cold outside.

10. Screen - What to shut in black fly season.

11. Byte - What the black flies do.

12. Bit - What the black flies did.

13. Mega Byte - What the BIG black flies do during trout season.

14. Chip - Munchies for TV.

15. Micro Chip - What's left in the bag after you eat the chips.

16. Modem - What you did to the weeds growing in the driveway.

17. Dot matrix - Old Dan Matrix's wife.

18. Lap top - Where the beer spills when you pass out.

19. Software - The dumb plastic knives and forks they give you at McDonald's.

20. Hardware - Real stainless steel cutlery.

21. Mouse - What makes the holes in the Cheerios box.

22. Main frame - What holds the house up, hopefully.

23. Enter - The only way to win those magazine ad sweepstakes.

24. Web - What a spider makes.

25. Web site - The high corners of a ceiling.

26. Cursor - Someone who swears.

27. Search Engine - What you do when the car dies.

28. Screen Saver - A repair kit for the torn window screen.

29. Home Page - The map you keep in your back pocket just in case you get lost in the woods.

30. Upgrade - A steep hill.

31. Server - A waitress.

32. Mail Server - A male waitress. (damn few in Maine)

33. MS DOS - Some new disease they discovered.

34. Sound Card - One of them birthday cards that plays music when you open it.

35. User - The neighbor who keeps borrowing stuff.

36. Browser - An annoying moose in the Garden or Blueberry Patch.

37. Network - Mending holes in the fishnet.

38. Internet - Complicated fishnet repair method.

39. Netscape - What haddock do when you don't do your network.

40. Online - I got `em!! It's a big one, I just know it!!

41. Off line - Son of a gun!! He got away, again!!