LIE Your Way to Bigger Trout!

Much has been written in the fly fishing literature about the contemplative aspect of angling with a fly.  Perhaps because of this heritage, true anglers (unlike our less enlightened streamside brethren such as bait dunkers and bass fishermen) tend to repress our competitive nature, focusing instead on the  qualitative aspects of the experience such as communing with nature, honing one's casting skills, increasing our knowledge of aquatic entomology, and feeling vastly superior to everyone else we see.   This noncompetitive approach to fishing clears one's mind to think about other things, such as convincing yourself that you are not a pitiful loser who couldn't catch a fish in a trout farm.

But there are times when this Zen-like approach is cast aside.  One such time is when fishing with your brother.  For when it comes to the competitive world of sibling fishing competitions -- one brother pitted against another in brutal fish-on-fish, cast 'til you drop combat -- it is clear that size is all that really matters. But how do you win a competition when you are both limited by the river itself? It is easy to keep a competitive spirit and push yourself to your limits when fishing exotic locations where hope burns eternal that the next cast might result in a 30 inch trout.   But unlike the famous trout streams of faraway places like New Zealand, Patagonia, and Montana -- where fish grow to unlimited sizes and often have to be measured with yardsticks and meat scales -- the Yakima River yields very few fish over 18 inches, even to the most persistent and skilled angler. Instead the vast majority of fish you will catch are somewhere between 12 and 14 inches. So how do you measure up?

Years of painstaking research conducted fishing with my brother have led me to develop a radical new scoring system which serves to "level the playing field" and maintain a healthy competitive edge. The result of this research is the development of a rigorous algorithm for normalizing fish lengths to local conditions, which results in an adjusted length measurement

...the LIE captures the true essence of the angling experience.

known as the "Fish Length, Inch Equivalent," (Fish LIE). Because  Fish LIEs always refer to fish (duh!), it is simpler (and proper) to simply refer to "the LIE" for brevity's sake. And, because the LIE accounts for all of the truly important aspects of the fish that make angling worthwhile, the LIE captures the true essence of the angling experience.  The bigger the LIE, the better the fish.  And, of course, bigger the LIE, the better the angler.

How Do You Tell a LIE?

The easiest way to tell a LIE is to use the Online Interactive Fish LIE Calculator. However, in preparation for those times when you must travel light and find yourself streamside without a laptop and cellular modem in your fly vest, it is possible to manually calculate a fish LIE.  Learning how to do this comes naturally to most anglers, and can be mastered in an afternoon, as long as you follow the instructions provided below.  And, if you find that your Lies are still not measuring up, you can also call our 24-hour customer support hotline at 1-800-IMA-LIAR.   An operator will be standing by to help you embellish your LIE, for only $0.95/minute plus a $2.00 access fee. 

Your First LIE

A good LIE is rooted in reality, so we always begin with the fish's so-called "actual" length, as measured in inches. This is the hypothetical distance as measured between the fish's nose and tail, if you had actually remembered to bring a tape measure and hold it next to the fish.  Remember, "actual" means what you might measure with a REAL tape measure, not some delusional figment of your overactive imagination.   There will be plenty of opportunities to add to your LIE later.

The next step in telling the LIE is to adjust the LIE to match the local conditions. This is done using a River Specific Adjustment Factor (RSAF ).  On the Yakima River, the RSAF is 18 inches -- calculated by adding the mean necessary tippet size (4x) and the average fly size (#14). According to some theories, the RSAF correlates well to the length of a 90th percentile trout for that river (a 90th percentile fish is one that is larger than 90% of all fish in the river.  If you believe what you hear from some local fishermen and most guides, this fish seems to get caught far more often than common sense and the laws of probability would allow). 

Once you have determined the RSAF, you can calculate the locally-adjusted (baseline) LIE by  simply subtracting the RSAF from the actual length. For example, if you catch a 12 inch trout in the Yakima canyon, you would subtract the RSAF (18 inches) from the actual length (12 inches)  to get a baseline LIE of negative six inches (12-18 = -6).  Many anglers initially have problems with the concept of sub-zero fish lengths, but in fact,  most fish caught on the Yakima river yield a baseline LIE between -8 and -4. 

But don't let these results worry you  -- you're not done LIEing yet!  You'll add these inches back as you calculate (or "embellish") the LIE.  However, if you find that, after subtracting 18 inches from the fish's actual length, you still have a positive number, then subtract an additional 2 inches as a penalty for exaggeration, you jerk!

Catch and release is a LIE'ers best friend!

Because the Yakima River is managed as a catch and release fishery, fish which are Long Distance Released (LDR'd) are considered to have been "caught" for all practical intents and purposes.  Thus, thanks to catch and release regulations, you are allowed -- even encouraged -- to LIE about fish which you've never actually brought to net.  However, because objects in the distance appear larger than they may actually have been, LDR'd fish should have one inch subtracted for each 10 feet of distance between the angler and the fish at the time the fish was released. Hence, a 16 inch fish which slips the hook 20 feet from the angler should be adjusted to a revised actual length of 14 inches.

Special note on the Small Whitefish (SWF) Clause:Some users of the LIE system have pointed out that the LDR penalty should not be applied to whitefish, for obvious reasons.  They have argued that shouting "it was just a small whitefish!" when LDR'ing such a fish should permit them to LIE about it without subtracting the LDR penalty.  In the author's opinion, some users of the LIE system need to get a life.   Besides, who counts whitefish anyway?

Adjusting Your LIE to Reflect Your Equipment

The next step in calculating the LIE is to make adjustments for the kind of equipment you've used. This is intended to reflect positively on fish caught with "proper" equipment (e.g., fishing the way I fish) and penalize those who fish differently. Hey, it's my scoring system!

• Tippet Adjustment.   Face it -- any fool can land a 2 lb trout on 20 lb test, but it takes a real fisherman to coax that same trout out of the current and to hand on 8x tippet. To insure that proper credit is awarded for this kind of skill, add the tippet size (3x, 4x, etc.) directly to the LIE. The basic Yakima River LIE is calculated on the basis of a size 4x tippet, so any lighter tippets will result in extra inches being added to your LIE. However, be careful not to tire the fish too much, or you will have to include a DFP(Dead Fish Penalty).

  ...using the LIE system, a 12" fish caught using a #22 midge results in a bigger LIE than a 19" fish caught on a size 8 Chernobyl ant!

• Hook Size Correction Factor. Tiny flies, big fish -- does it get any better than that? We don't think so. That's why the LIE is adjusted to give bonus points -- or penalty points -- depending on the hook size used on the fly. The basic LIE is calculated on the basis of a typical Yakima Canyon summer caddis (size 14). Because hook sizes generally are reported only in even numbers (#14, #16, #18, etc.) this factor can significantly affect your LIE. For example, using the LIE system, a 12" fish caught using a #22 midge results in a bigger LIE than a 19" fish caught using a size 8 Chernobyl ant!  
• Dropper or Strike Indicator Penalty: Dropper flies & strike indicators -- we all use them, but honestly, doesn't it feel just a little like cheating? Well, it is. So subtract one inch for each dropper fly or strike indicator hanging from your leader.
• Nymph Penalty: Nymph fishing is very demanding, and perhaps one of the harder skills to acquire in fly fishing. So it should be rewarded. But the truth is, nymph fishermen catch more fish, and the LIE is all about leveling the playing field. So subtract 2 inches for a fish caught on a nymph.   Since fishing with nymphs is just a few steps removed from fishing with bait, the Bait Penalty (subtract 5 inches) is considered a special case of the Nymph Penalty.

Adjusting Your LIE for Skill and Technique

• ...a good example of a 0 inch Degree of Difficulty  is any fish stupid enough to let my brother catch it.

  Degree of Difficulty.  Although it is often better to be lucky than good, skill should still count for something.  To insure that it does, inches may be added to the LIE to account for degree of difficulty. Fortunately, the Degree of Difficulty is a very subjective concept, so it lends itself to creative interpretation (which can be very useful at times, believe me!). The Degree of Difficulty is measured on a scale of 0-5 inches, with 5 being the most difficult, 0 being the least.   On the Yakima River, an example of a 5 inch Degree of Difficulty is casting across three different current lanes in crystal clear (Late October) water, to a trout which is selectively feeding on size 20 BWO cripples with missing left wings, from a position underneath an overhanging branch immediately downstream from a rock, while a 40 knot wind blows from the right hand side.  An example of a 0 inch Degree of Difficulty  is any fish stupid enough to let my brother catch it.
• Long Distance Bonus.  While most trout on the Yakima River can be caught using short (less than 30 foot) casts, sometimes a long cast is called for.  For any cast beyond 15 feet, you may add 1 inch to your LIE for each 15 feet of line that you cast to catch the fish. Thus, a fish caught on a 30 foot cast can be increased in length by 1 inch.  You may add no more than 3 inches total (i.e., for a 60 foot cast) -- because anything longer than that is just showing off, anyway. The long distance bonus is not allowed when using a spey rod.   
• Slack Line Bonus.  Add 1 inch for each jump the fish made prior to being landed. If you didn't land the fish, remember to subtract inches for Long Distance Release(see the previous section entitled "How Do You Tell a LIE?"). 
• Skating Caddis Penalty. Some anglers claim to catch fish using the so-called "skating caddis" technique, in which a caddis fly is allowed to drift on a taught line downcurrent from the angler, resulting in a wake behind the fly similar to that created by the Bremerton passenger ferry before the lawsuits.  Really, everyone knows that the skating caddis technique was "invented" by some guy who left his fly dragging while he was busy looking through the fly box for something that would work. It may not be cheating, but it's not exactly fishing, either. Subtract 1 inch for any fish caught in this manner.

Advanced Techniques 

If the standard LIE doesn't result in a fish that is big enough, there are a few techniques that are available to the skilled LIEer.  Remember, these methods are NOT recommended for beginners!

• First Cast Bonus.   You may add 1 inch to any fish which is caught on the first cast to a specific holding lie, provided that you actually call out the location of the fish in advance. Saying "I knew it would be there"after you have hooked the fish does not count.  But, nice try.
• Predicted Fish Incentive.  Anglers familiar with a particular piece of water may increase the size of their LIE through the use of Predicted Fish.  This is a fish whose location was predicted before the fish is actually spotted -- sort of like calling your shot ahead of time in billiards. You may add one inch to any fish which you predicted ahead of time.  However, if  your fishing partner predicted a fish and you caught it before they had a chance (you selfish bastard!), that partner may SUBTRACT two inches from your fish and add it to one of theirs.     
• "Guide Fish" Correction Factor.   Most guides are good guys, and fishing with a guide is a great way to learn about a river (not to mention parting ways with a couple hundred bucks).  But too much of a good thing can be just that -- too much.   With the increased number of guide days on the Yakima, it has become necessary to incorporate the concept of bonus points for"guide fish".  A "guide fish" is a fish caught within eyeshot of a guide (or a suspected guide -- which includes anyone who is obviously catching more fish than you are).  Bonus points are awarded for guide fish according to the following schedule:
  • add 0.25 inches for a basic guide fish. 
  • add 0.5 inches if you catch the fish out of the same run which  the guide and his client just went fishless on. 
  • add 1 inch if you catch the fish from the same run that the guide and his client just floated through in their drift boat on their way to "the good spots"
  • subtract 1 inch if you accidentally catch the guide instead of the fish 
• Dead Fish Penalty.  Fish that are not released successfully -- or which clearly will not survive being released -- are not counted. In fact, you should subtract 1 inch from every other fish you've caught that day.
• Aggregate Dink Equivalency. During certain times of the year (usually Flag Day through Mother's Day), the Yakima River can frustrate anglers with numerous small (below 5 inches) trout and salmon smolt, commonly known as "dinks."  A common practice among experienced anglers is to add the length of several dinks together to get an equivalent fish of respectable size.  Though the exact conversion factor depends on the angler, a good rule of thumb is six dinks is equivalent to one 12 inch trout.

LIES Get Bigger as Time Goes By

It is important to note that, like compound interest, waist sizes, and the inflationary model of  the universe, Fish LIES grow with time.  This is a natural phenomena caused by the wonder of the human imagination and the presence of too little dark matter in the interstellar regions of deep space.  In other words, it's a good thing.

The precise mechanism for this behavior, along with the rate equations which describe the process, are subjects of intense academic debate.  This debate is complicated further by the fact that LIES grow fastest immediately after the fish is released, and gradually stabilize at an upper limit.  This upper limit is the so-called "Credibility Threshold", which is believed to be 30-50% higher than the River Specific Adjustment Factor.  A generally accepted rule of thumb is that a LIE initially grows at a rate of 1 inch per year, slowing as it's size approaches the Credibility Threshold.   The Credibility Threshold for the Yakima River is generally agreed to be approximately 24 inches, although according to the Mitchell Theory, this figure may be too conservative, especially for trout which are feeding during evening hatches of caddis.   Regardless of where the credibility threshold actually lies, it is important to remember that the compounding of LIES is still a emerging science, so your LIE may grow at a different rate depending on personal preference and inclinations.

Telling LIES On Other Rivers

Many anglers, having heard about my Lies, have asked me if they can LIE about fish caught on other rivers.  I have tried to provide you with helpful hints on how to LIE about fish caught on the Yakima River, because that is my home water.  Once you try this system, you will want to apply it to your own home waters, and of course, you can tell Lies about  fish caught on other rivers as well!  Just be sure to modify the initial adjustment factor according to local conditions.  The best way to determine the locally accepted River Specific Adjustment Factors to inquire at the nearest fly shop, or ask a local guide.  They will give you a good idea of acceptable LIEs on their rivers.

You Can LIE Too!

As you have seen, the LIE system for measuring fish length is simple, easy, and effective! It can add inches to your fish, and much to your enjoyment -- and can easily be adjusted to match local conditions. Just remember that this is a patented system (in Bulgaria) so if you want to tell the LIE, you have to pay the price.   The standard rate is $US 0.25 per inch added.  Payment (checks, cash, or flies) may be sent to:

Fish LIES
Richland, WA 99352
ATTN: Scott Butner (scott_butner@charter.net).

And don't forget to ask about our Frequent LIE Discount program!  
You may already qualify! 

Disclaimer:  The above article is intended as entertainment.  All phone numbers listed are completely bogus, although my e-mail is correct.  Please do NOT attempt to send payment -- but then, I really shouldn't have to tell you that, you know.   Besides, if you are foolish enough to send me money in order to LIE, I'm probably doing you a favor by taking it off your hands anyway.