11/24/06

Well Happy Christmas to you, then.

Only about twice in my life, I wrote a Christmas letter, detailing the past twelve months, or longer since the increment between my letter-writing has gotten longer. One I wrote was called Auld Lange Syne, in honor of the traditional new year's song and kiss.  It was ten pages long, with pictures throughout. I sent it to a dozen or so people, and I've since lost track of a copy for myself. I remember that my mom reported that it made my dad cry - something I've seen only once in my life, at an event involving my sister. I wish I had a copy of that to read it again. Maybe I've got one stashed in a file somewhere...no such luck. I just went downstairs to check.

I do remember writing it on a Mac issued from work, and after that...I don't know. I've lost a hard drive since then. Who knows, maybe it's on a disk somewhere.

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Here's an interesting observation for you. More often than not, when I am about town with Maggie, Estelle, or both, people are so unaccustomed to seeing Blacks and Whites together that they usually make the assumption that we are two separate parties. For example, when we went to the closing of our house, Maggie had arrived ahead of me. When I arrived, the attorney greeted me, and asked me if my wife was coming. I turned to look at Maggie, who was standing to my right, and said she's right here. That was irksome.

Another time just last week, Estelle and I went to the store for some groceries, and the checker stopped ringing up items when she reached the end of those I had placed on the conveyer belt, assuming Estelle's must have been separate, even though Estelle and I had been having a conversation at the time. After years of this, I just shrugged it off. I wonder what Estelle thinks of this.

Most in my face was the time Maggie and I went to a grocery store near our apartment, within the first year of us being together here in the States. The checker went so far as to make a comment, that she thought I was taking advantage of her.

I wasn't sure I heard her correctly, it was so out of the blue, and I said, "What?!"

With conviction, the checker replied, "You heard me."

I don't know what she meant by I was taking advantage of her. Because she was young and beautiful? (Maggie is a year younger than I, and easy on the eyes.) Or was it way of saying, I don't think you two should be together. I steered our cart to the manager's area, and told the manager that I didn't think they should employ people who make unsolicited comments on customer's relationships.

Later we went back, and we saw the same woman working there, so we voted with our dollars, and never spent anything at that supermarket chain again. It was a Western Market, for the record.

My buddy Noel Leonard is a great friend - a brother. I related that last story to him one time, in the context of wondering...or commenting about folks staring at Maggie and I when we're in public. He observed that it could be that, but it's important also to examine whether it is our own neurosis. I took that to mean that I should figure out whether the discomfort I was feeling was others', or was it mine. Since that wise conversation, I've cared less about people's stares. I've gotten used to it, and now I just don't care. I still observe it when we're treated as separate, but I don't get bothered. I think folks just are a little inexperienced with the Black-White combination. All God's children, what?

Maggie and I were at a function at a church last week, and I touched her back as we moved through the group of people during an after-reception. I love my wife - I like touching her from time to time. Maggie said as we walked out that an older woman had watched me touch her and rolled her eyes in response. What's he trying to prove? was Maggie's take on it.

It doesn't matter. When they learn how nice we are, they'll realize it's OK. ;-)

I remember the Chancellor of my University was a Black man, and he happened to be married to a white woman. In the press, he was asked why he was married to a White woman. His response was this: "Because I love her. Next question." What a great use of brevity, eh?

I should say, in support of Birmingham, Maggie and I have been in other parts of the United States (notably southern California) where we have felt less comfortable together than we have in Birmingham. Birmingham was a key location in the American Civil Rights movement, and I think that folks perceive it to be a racist place. I think it's not fair to make that assumption.