Customer ServiceThis is a
complaint that is likely to fall on deaf ears. "Customer Service"
departments are as useless as a two-dollar bill. It looks neat, but you
rarely see it, and you don't get much for it. True customer service is a
total sham. Departments that are dedicated to customer service are as
user-friendly as the Department of Motor Vehicles. It's a bureaucratic
technicality that companies add to their repertoire for the sole sake of
saying, "We have customer service," all the while providing D or F grade
assistance to those who have purchased their products! There is so much
potency to the venom I am going to spew out that I don't know if I can
stand getting this diatribe out in one sitting.
Let's chat about these fucking menu-driven, computer-voiced,
automated answering machines that so many companies employ today, in the
place of employing real people who might actually be able to
communicate. Enter your social security number. State why you're
calling. Then when they don't understand or your vocalization doesn't
fit neatly into the pathways the company chooses, you are essentially
fucked and destined for on-hold purgatory. Last week I noted that with
multiple voice-operated help commands being misunderstood, the tone of
the recorded voice changed. There was actually a computerized voice that
conveyed irritation and shortness at my - the customer's - demands. What
kind of bullshit market-driven economy are we living in where we pay
companies monthly annuities, and they fail to provide any worthwhile
service. What kind of bullshit is that?
Case in point #1. Dish Network. In an instant our receivers went
down, so I ran the trouble-shooting steps, because I am capable
of thinking and trouble-shooting, contrary to the assumptions of
Customer Service, then I called. I was on hold for about 20 minutes.
They wanted me to walk through the trouble-shooting steps I had already
taken. I told them I had already done them, but they insisted. So no
matter what, I could pretend I was repeating the steps, I could go
through the steps, knowing that I was wasting my time and knowing the
outcome before it occurred...regardless, we were going to be at the
square one where I knew we were before I was even on hold. Bastard,
time-wasting, mother-fuckers. So we got to the impasse point
where I knew we were, where I knew I needed some service or help, and
they offered to either have me pay $100 to have someone come out, or for
a special offer, I could pay an additional monthly annuity of $6 per
month plus $30 for a service visit. This would be in addition to
whatever costs would be incurred to make repairs. Fuck them.
I told them to just cancel my service. They couldn't handle that, and
had to transfer me to accounts. Good enough. Then they proceeded to talk
me through the trouble-shooting steps again. Selling me on fixing the
problem so they could preserve their monthly payment. The fucking
money-grubbing...They asked what the reason was that I was canceling
service, and I said, "Useless customer service." She edited my comments,
saying ok what exactly about customer service were you not satisfied
with? They were one hundred percent useless. Is that clear enough? They
can do nothing to help me, and I am done dealing with them. Then she
said that since I hadn't had a service visit, they could waive my
service fee and have someone come out for free. I paused, then said no
thanks. She started to make some other offers, and I interrupted, asking
if I was talking to the right person to cancel my account. I wore her
down, and in the end, when she was still saying how much she appreciated
my business and what sort of penalties would have to be paid if I
changed my mind, I gladly hung up on the entire idea of such a façade
of worthlessness as Dish Network customer service.
True customer service would make attempts at keeping the customer
happy. True customer service would recognize that I had been a customer
for five years, and if you want to keep my business, you had better keep
my interests in mind. They didn't, and I voted with my dollars. They
will never see a cent from me again. That is the beauty of economics.
Demand for Dish just decreased because of their inability to satisfy the
wants of those willing to supply dollars for what they offer.
Incrementally, they'll go down because of their inadequacy.
