12/30/07

Thoughts \ Developed Thoughts \ Rants \ Raves \ Writing

28/12/2007 01:05:45 -0600 GMT

Decision, 2008

I am nearly paralyzed by the decision of what to do for residency. I have a lot to consider, and it is not entirely under my control. It's a job search; that's the simplistic view. But it's a game, and it's a game that could determine the rest of my life.

Here are some of the points I must consider. They are in order of how they occur to me. I want a program...

I want Maggie and Estelle to be happy and to have the greatest potential to reach their potential. This points away from Birmingham. For a family composed of Irish-American and Zambian-American members, the environment in the southeastern United States can be uncomfortable. It is subtle, and is characterized by ignorance more than racism. Nevertheless, it is an uncomfortable dynamic. In addition, I sense that because Estelle is Black, expectations are lowered. Her circles are filled with good people, but she can do better. She hasn't experienced all of the opportunities that America makes available, and it may be that another environment would be better for her.

Location affects me. While Birmingham has been wonderful to me, no less, I am now a part of a larger family, and I am as bothered by ignorance as Maggie and Estelle may be. In fact, I might be bothered more by it because I have lived in this country for nearly all of my life, and I know how people could behave. More often than not, when we are in the community here, people fall short of what I expect. That is not to say that my UAB family has mistreated us. To the contrary, UAB community members have provided an oasis in a desert that is dry from lack of experience in mixed race couples. But my UAB family is not enough to keep me here forever.

On the other hand, we have been in our wonderful house for about six years. We've paid into it, and it's in a great location, and to move would be a daunting task because...

There is a realistic possibility that we would have to rent at a monthly price of more than our current mortgage, for smaller space, while continuing to pay our mortgage in light of a poor housing market. The expense of a move, maintaining two houses would be very high. Maybe we can rent the place out.

Estelle is coming into senior year in high school. She has already made the huge adjustment from Zambia to here, and to ask her to transition again, to uproot after just now establishing friendships...that is difficult, but perhaps balanced out by the improved environment of a different location (e.g. Massachusetts, Washington).

There are a few governing principles that I follow. Maybe I can apply them here. They are:

"When in doubt, don't."

"One never knows the burden one's been carrying until it's lifted from your shoulders."

"Happiness is infinitely more important than money."

"Loyalty is important, but loyalty to oneself must be paramount."

If the selfishness of that last statement abhors you, then you need a dose of realism in your life.

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