11/24/06

Dutch language news fills my auditory senses as I write this. I've discovered another radio station on iTunes - this one is called BNN.com under the International streams. It's got good dance tracks, mainly in English.

I'm stagnant, or motivationally challenged, these days. We've got 4 weeks remaining this, the hardest term in medical school. And I think I understand the requisite work that will get me through. One of my faults is that when I discover the secret, that in and of itself is satisfactory enough for me, and I am ready to move on.

For example, I recall watching a film of a high school football play in which I was a key blocker for the running play that was unfolding. I had a clear trajectory for a defender which would have cleared a few yards for the running back. (I was fullback at the time.) You could almost see my thought processes as the film unfolded. I set my sights on the defender, helmet pointed at his chest, and then I veered away, aiming at the next defender, ready to tag him. The first defender tackled our back, and the coach pointed out to me and the team that I missed my block. It's interesting that that is one of less than five memories that come back to me of the four years I played high school football. I think it exemplifies one of my many faults. When I see the solution, I am immediately finished with the task at hand, even if I have not, in fact, completed the task at hand. There's room for improvement.

Now it's Come on Eileen, by Dexy's Midnight Runners playing. Too rah loo raiy eh. It's one of my top ten favorite songs of all time, and that opinion is shared by the one and only Adam McDonough in our UASOM class of 2008.

This is yet another instance where the fingers do the walking, where the writing pours out of me without filter, and without regard for my intentions prior to sitting down to get an entry into the Blog.

I intended to write about the fact that my lovely wife Maggie has been reading my blog, and she remarked on one entry in particular, called "A Man, A Mistake?" This was a strange experience wherein I helped a homeless man that was in urgent need of a bathroom. It was a decidedly odd experience, and it was odd solely because of lack of judgment on my part. First I was in the wrong place at the wrong time - I stopped to study in a park because I didn't want to be near people while I was reviewing some heart material. Second I let a guy who had just shit his pants to sit in my car while I gave him a ride to some more stable surroundings.

Yeah, I know, bizarre.

You know, as I look introspectively during this blog, I realize that I lack some of the rational mechanisms that many people have, that would prevent them from placing themselves in odd situations. I know this about myself. But at the same time, I think that this lack of rationality that I possess also gives me a lack of risk aversion that grants me entry to some pretty exceptional experiences.

It's a bit like being a doctor. Physicians often encounter experiences that permit them entry into the private moments of the lives of fellow humans. These are moments that folks will not even reveal to their spouses, but they'll tell the doctor. I'm comfortable with that, and I am without judgment in that sort of arena. So while I was a bit senseless in helping a shitty man into my car, I was also a conduit for giving that man a bit of dignity, I hope, and I would do it again, for better or for worse. This is part of the saying - "Just be yourself." If one follows this aphorism, one will usually not go wrong.

My writing takes me to strange places at times. What can I say.

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Now it's Coldplay, playing a song called Talk. I don't know it, but I know that Coldplay has a significant following.

Speaking of music, U2 was on 60 Minutes the day before yesterday. The report, stationed in the south of France where the lads keep their permanent homes, was focused on the dichotomy of a rock band, and all the richness of that lifestyle, opposed against the four men with a cause, and all the passion and politics involved with trying to sell AIDS care and debt relief to a global economy that cares more about profit than people. I'm familiar with these juxtaposed ideas, as a fan of the 80's rock group, and as an individual who shares the passion - and as I see it the human requirement - involved in taking care of our neighbors.

Now it's Beasty Boys playing No Sleep Till Brooklyn.

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3 AM is truly the dead of night.

I think it is the hour when the fewest people are active and alive in a given time zone. In my recent time-skewed experience as a medical student, I also believe 3 AM is the fulcrum of the day, when one could be waking up to study, or going to bed after a full day of studying. As outrageous as that sounds to me as a reader of my own writing, it is not an uncommon event for several of my classmates to be awake at this hour.

I've sent emails out at the end of my day, fulfilling some neglected duties, at 2 AM or later, and gotten a response in the same quarter-hour. So I'm not the only one. Shaun Bhatty comes to mind. We've had a chat on the computer after 2 AM. I find comfort in that, particularly when we are all under the pressure of exams. There is comfort in...Misery loves company, as they say. So when I know that I am suffering being up during the darkest hours, and I also am assured that others are suffering the similar struggles at the same time - I am reassured.