People say funny things. Things I find funny anyway. And I like to remember them. Although you probably had to be there, or have my odd sense of humor, to get these, I'm putting them here for you to read anyway. Keep in mind that these all actually happened, and that at the time they were quite hilarious. Really.
Just a quick note, DarkSide is my ex-boyfriend. Even though thinking about him is painful, I'm leaving the things we've said here cuz I still think they're funny. Lucas, Daniel, John, Cameron, and Mike were his friends that we used to hang out with.
"Just in case you thought I was a wanker. . . I am."
-- Cyndi Lauper at the consert I saw her at.
"Ohmygod I want a Johnny Depp in a box! Everyone should have their own
Johnny Depp in a box!"
--Me upon seeing the Pirates of the Caribbean action figures.
"That's a floating condom. It's so tasteless."
-- Adam Duritz at the consert I saw him at.
Rat: "Do you want Fava Beans with that? XD"
Meer: "you nearly made coke come out of my nose"
That won't be funny unless you know that I was getting a sheep double head
hexie from Rat, and I requested his name be Silence. Do you get it?
Me: "You can't make a pig's ear out of a sow's... wait, that's not right."
Auntie: "It's a sow's breast."
*explosive laughter*
Uh, yeah. I was trying to say "You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's
ear."
Auntie: "Fuck no! You can't swear when you're potatoing!"
That will make no sense to anyone but me. But it has to do with me and
Auntie talking about Lord of the Rings and not paying attention to what we
were supposed to. Trust me, it was funny.
Mom: "Do you need me for the copulation?"
Me: (giving mom a really weird look) "Uh...I don't think that's the
word you wanted."
Mom: "Isn't that what you call it when you make a CD? A copulation?"
Me: "Uh no, Mom. That's a compilation."
Mom: "I'm kinda dizzy, maybe it's the alcohol."
Me: "But I had as much as you, and I didn't not dizzy."
I swear neither of us had much to drink. O.o
Me: "I've got Nine Inch Nails in my head."
Mom: "That must hurt like hell."
"Bubble! Hell yeah!"
--DarkSide on cooking
Lucas: "Bob Dylan?"
DarkSide: "He Sucks."
Lucas: "Who?"
DarkSide: "I can't remember his name."
DarkSide was actually trying to think of the name of a particular singer
(who was not Bob Dylan). Neither of them realized it sounded like they were
discussing who Bob Dylan had oral sex with.
"Some people are weird."
--Spoken by some lady in a public restroom just as I stepped out of a stall
in all my gothic get up. It was ironic cuz I don't think she was talking
about me.
Some Guy: "You can get some pretty cool stuff at thrift stores."
Cashier: "Yeah, like some old guy's pants that he urinated in before he
sold."
*laughter*
Some Guy: "Nah, I mostly get shirts."
Cashier: "Yeah I really like thrift stores, I like to wear little boy's
shirts and I get a lot there."
Some Guy: "Yeah I like little boys. . . Shirts, little boy's
shirts."
A conversation I overheard in the checkout line at Hot Topic.
"Rar I am a zombie!"
--One of DarkSide's friends while drunk.
Me: "That's a weird word."
DarkSide: "What is?"
Me: "Awww...."
DarkSide: "Aww. What was it?"
Me: "I think it was a deer. Cunnilingus."
DarkSide: "Oh, yeah it is."
A conversation me and DarkSide had while driving down the highway. Figure
that out.
"Soylent Green is like a Zig!"
--Me being very, very strange. This is actually a combination of three
obscure quotes.
"I have not the problem with sex."
--Me after watching to much badly translated Anime.
"You guys have issues."
--My dad in reference to me and my mom.
"Yeah the place was called Blowing Rock!"
--Some guy me and DarkSide overheard at a rest stop.
DarkSide lives near Blowing Rock and finds it quite amusing when people
think that it's a funny name for a place.
"Snow's supposed to be cold!"
--DarkSide
No, I don't think I'm gonna tell you what that meant.
DarkSide: "Violins and fiddles are actually the same instrument, the
difference is just in the way you play them."
Me: "Yeah, a violin is what you call it when you play it right, a fiddle is
what you call it when you play it wrong"
DarkSide liked folk music, and I don't, so I just couldn't resist this
opportunity to jab him for it. Heh.
Cameron: "Then I'll hit you with a fireball."
John: "I'm immune to fire."
Cameron: "Then I'll hit you with poison arrows."
John: "I'm immune to poison."
Cameron: "Well are you immune to getting kicked in the balls then?"
John: "Yes actually, I'm female."
While playing D&D Cameron was getting annoyed that John's character
seemed to be immune to everything. So he finally thought he'd just kick
John's character in the balls, forgetting that John was playing a female.
Daniel: *making train noises for no apparent reason* "chuh chuh chuh
chuh..."
Mike: "What's this right here?"
Me and DarkSide in unison: "FLORIDA!!"
*everyone else at the table looks at me and DarkSide like we've totally lost
it*
DarkSide and his friends were playing some sort of sci-fi strategy game (and
I was watching and being bored out of my skull) While Mike was asking about
something on the game board, Daniel's random train noises reminded me and
DarkSide of a bizarre flash video, so naturally we had to shout out Florida.
It was funny to us at least.
Me: "Mom, I'm bored."
Mom: "Uh oh, get her some more schnapps!"
On New Years Eve. Maybe I only found it funny cuz I'd already had a good
amount of schnapps. O.o
Totally confused now, aren't you? Good. Now stare blankly at the screen, scratch your head, and wonder why you just wasted all that time reading this page!