Setting:  The desk of Grizwell, in black and white, and lit as closely to
the original as possible.

Grizwell:       Good evening gentle beings, and welcome to another
installment of "Milestones:  A Twentieth Century Retrospective".  Tonight
we wisk you downward to the lowest reaches of hell.  Tonight we delve into
the unseemly depths of

The Chester and Woody Show!
(CG of same splashes across screen, followed by riotous applause)

Cut to a dark featureless corner, with close shot of Chester

Chester:        Hey Kids!  Its me again, Chester.  And here's my good buddy
Woody.

Cut to close up of Woody, then pan back to reveal both C and W

Woody:  Good evening sentient beings, and welcome!  You'll have to pardon
my friend here, but he seems to be feeling a little miffed.

Chester:        Miffed?!  Look at us down here in this little corner.
We're stars!  People love us!  We even have our own fan club.  Where's the
respect?  Where are the groupies?

Woody:  Now Chester, is that what's rattling your chain?  We're here
because our friends at Public Access Television are building us a new set.
Dr. X is even building us some new friends.  Believe me, it'll all be worth
it.

Chester:        But don't I at least get a couple of roadies, or a bus ride
or something?

Woody:  I hate to be the one to burst your bubble, but we're not exactly
Pearl Jam my friend.  Our Fan Club effort only netted us two members in one
year.  That's one sixth of a member per month.

Chester:        Who's member?

Woody:  It doesn't matter.  Would you just settle it right down?

Chester:        Well I thought you told me we had over twelve thousand
responses in the first month alone.

Woody:  I was lying to you big guy.  I just didn't have the heart to tell you.

Chester:        Only two.  The humanity!

Woody:  Hey, chin up there amigo.  We've only been doing this for one year.
It took John Travolta twenty years to get any respect.

Chester:        John Travolta gets respect?

Woody:  Of course he does, and lots of groupies.

Chester:        Wow.  Has it really been a whole year already?

Woody:  Yes it has, my little community access basement gnome.  One fine
year, seven shows, one picnic, one dancing dead chicken, and more than a
few scattered homages to classic television and film.  What more could the
discerning viewer ask for?

Chester:        More Bea Arthur references!

Woody:  Down boy!

Chester:        Hey, I've got a great idea!  Let's show some choice clips
from our first year of Chester's Chillers.

Woody:  I don't know.  Are you sure our audience can stomach that!

Chester:        Please Woody!  Pretty please.  Come on, Woody, be a sport.

Woody:  Your wish, Buddy, is my command.

Chester:        What?

Woody:  I mean O.K., we'll do it.  Mr. Grizwell?

Return to the Grizwell set

Grizwell:       Gentle citizens, I beg of you, prepare yourselves.  If
there are any among you who are faint of heart or of delicate constitution,
consult a doctor before proceeding.

Quick cut to Dr. X

Dr. X:          I order zat everyone zhould vatch. Ya? (cackles)

Back to Grizwell

Grizwell:       We begin with the ever-popular commercial parodies:  the
first starring our friend Dr. X...

Dissolve to "X-Smacks", then back to Grizwell

Grizwell:       Hmm.  Next there came the strangely inscrutable "We Care"
and the strangely obvious "Wipe Out"...

Dissolve to "Wipe Out", then back to Grizwell

Grizwell:       What "Plan 9 from Outer Space" did for Science Fiction,
"Invisible Mutant Ninja Barbarians" did for the Sword and Sandal  genre.

Dissolve to "Invisible Mutant Ninja Barbarians", then back to Grizwell

Grizwell:       And of course, who could forget the show's strange
fascination with Peanut Butter...

Dissolve to "Choosy Mothers" followed by "Reese's", then back to Grizwell

Grizwell:       Finally, the award-winning "Bad Dub" showed us what we had
all suspected for years...

Dissolve to "Bad Dub", then back to close ups of Chester and Woody

Chester:        I can't believe it's already been a whole year.

Woody:  It has.

Shot of Cliff Shoemaker

Cliff:  Yes it has!

Chester:        I don't feel any older.

Woody:  Ah, but you are.  Although amazingly, you don't appear to have
matured a bit.

Chester:        Why thank you.

Woody:  Say, I've been wondering.  What ever happened to Timmy the Tapeworm
anyway?  Why wasn't he invited to the picnic?

Chester:        Well, he was.  You see, he showed up just about the time I
was, uh...

Woody:  What!

Chester:        Uh,  I was lighting the barbecue...

Cut to scene of Timmy bluescreened over Chester lighting the barbecue grill

Timmy:  Hey, Daddy-O, what's cook-

Cut to A-bomb explosion, then back to C and W

Woody:  Chester, you didn't.  Did you?

Chester:        It was an accident!  Dr. X said I did it on purpose because
I don't like Bob Dylan impersonations, but that's not true!

Woody:  I think we should have a moment of silence for our departed friend
Timmy.

Cut to Chester holding a sign that says "Sucker" with an arrow pointing
towards Woody

Louisa V. Slugger enters the scene

Louisa: Well boys, what are you doing down here nestled among the vermin?

Chester:        Hey!  It's Woody's chip!  Louisa V. Slugger.

Woody:  Why hello my little dove.  It is certainly a rare pleasure to have
you join us for our first ever Chester and Woody Review.

Cut to Grizwell

Grizwell:       Milestones:  A Twentieth Century Retrospective.

Woody:  Yeah, right.  Anyway, we're talking about our first year of the show.

Chester:        And our impressive standing in the Nielsen ratings.

Woody:  Yeah.  Anyway, you've been on the show for the last couple of
episodes.  Share with us your favorite recollections of the show.

Louisa: Well, aside from being mutated into a superbeing and helping to
judge in your painting contest, I would have to say working with your alien
friend Bando has been the most interesting experience so far.

Woody:  Doesn't it seem as if Bando has changed over the course of the year?

Grizwell:       Indeed, you are correct my dear. (pause)  People of Earth,
listen, for I Grizwell know without a shadow of a doubt that an alien being
presently resides among us.  Its name is Bando the Conqueror, and its
legacy of evil is well known throughout the galaxy.  The creature was first
identified when it burst into the transmission of our first episode.
(insert clip of first Bando)  Its message was unintelligible, but the
implications were terrifying.  (insert shot of Chester yawning)  The
monster was next seen during the great painting contest, when its influence
broke the tie between Chester and Woody.  (insert clip from artistic
license)  Most recently the beast seized control of a dancing chicken
(clip).  Through the masterful efforts of Dr. X, it was transformed into a
peace-loving spherical entity (clip) as our own friends Chester (clip),
Woody (clip), and Louisa (clip) were also transformed.

close up of Dr. X

Dr. X:          Ya!  I, Doktor X am truly the most genius-like of all
herrin.  (cackle)

Bando appears

Bando:  A most fitting introduction, slave!  I, Lord Bando, have awakened
to my true purpose.  I will feast among your shattered bones, mortals!

Everyone:       Bando!

Louisa: He has reverted to his evil self!

Bando:  Well, my fiburus, cellular sixnets of spuff.  You, as they say,
ain't seen nothin' yet.

Chester:        Who says?

Woody:  Well, I think it was-

Bando:  Quiet, morsel!  Tremble in abject terror as my latest incarnation
erupts from its chrysalis.

(Boom)  An explosion is seen.  When the smoke clears, the new Bando stands
proudly

Everyone:       Wow!

Louisa: Woody, you have some of the strangest friends.  Later, guys.

Chester:        She meant strange in a good way, right?

Woody:  (under his breath)      Yeah, right.  Can you say Birch?

Louisa:  (off stage)            Woody!  I heard that!

Woody:  I was just going to comment on your birchwood freshness dear.

Louisa: Be careful you don't get my kindling burning, stick boy.

Chester:  (clears throat)       So, Bando, what do you remember best about
the past year?
"
Bando:  I, Bando, remember all.  I remember "The Lost World".

Chester:        Just as long as you don't remember the music.  That music
was killing me.

Woody:  Oh, come on Chester!  They only played it one or two hundred times
during the movie.

Chester:        There were a few funny moments in that one...

Dissolve to clip of Chester explaining De Niro's appearance in the movie,
and Roy Clark's hair transplants.

Woody:  I liked your condensed version of the story.

Dissolve to Chester playing with the GI Joes

Woody:  Chester, you are a natural born storyteller; a man born for cable
television.

Chester:        Why thank you.  I'd like to thank all the little people
that made me possi-

Bando:  Silence!  Proceed, prisoners, with your miserable film clips from
Chester's Super Strange Cartoons.

Woody: (sarcastic)              We hear and obey, your majesty.

Dissolve to clips from CSSC, Volume 1

Woody:  In the second cartoon show, Chester finally got the chance to pick
out his own costumes...

Dissolve to scenes from CSSC, Volume 2, including Chester as Superman and
Chester in the tub.

Woody and Bando:          (Laughing)    The shorts!  He went in public
wearing that.

Chester:        At least I wore something!

Woody:  Not in that tub scene, you didn't!

Chester:        Aw, lay off.  You've had your embarrassing scenes too.
Like how about the third cartoon show, when we found out what kind of a bat
you really are!

Woody:  I really don't see how it serves any purpose to review that show.

Bando:  Stifle, my slave, and behold...

Dissolve to scenes from CSSC, Volume 3

Chester:        Did you ever notice I seem to get beat up a lot?

Bando:  Slaves such as you thrive when beaten regularly.

Woody:  Yeah, like the man said.

Enter Dr. X

Dr. X:          Hello mine kinder!

All:    Doctor X!

Dr. X:          My izn't everyone looking chipper today!  Even you, Bando.

Bando:  Rot in hell, old man.

Dr. X:          Now now, my boy.  It zeems to me you are forgetting the
zecond movie zhow:  Invasion of der Neptune Men.  Let's take a look at a
few of the funnier moments...

Dissolve to clips from CC, Volume 2

Woody:  That movie kind of reminded me of the Power Rangers, except without
as big a budget.

Chester:        And more cheesy!

Bando:  Let us return to something more elegant than this charade.  (pause)
In Chester's Amazing Trailers, I, Bando, decided the winner in an
artistic contest between the two juveniles.

Dissolve to clips from CAT, Volume 1

Bando:  My supremacy became more apparent in the fourth cartoon show when I
taught a chicken carcass the meaning of the word "servitude".

Dissolve to clips from CSSC, Volume 4

Woody:  Say, your highness.  I thought you got turned into a peace-loving
creature of pure light energy, living only to enhance the inherent beauty
of humankind.

Bando:  My flesh crawls when I remember those moments of enforced bliss and
enlightenment.  Such ideas serve only to detract from my true path:  to
enslave and degrade all that I see.   (pause)  I Bando rule all.
Supplicate before me in your wretchedness.  It will avail you nothing!

Woody:  I, Bando, will bludgeon you with the sheer girth of my galactic ego!

Dr. X:          Now play nice boys!  I brought you into this world, and I
can take you out.  Ya?

Chester:        I can't believe its been a whole year.

All:    Shut up!!

Return to Grizwell

Grizwell:       Gentle citizens, I beg of you, forget all that you have
seen here tonight.

Roll credits (very complete)