Nyssa's personality:
I have always been different. I never knew why. I didn't much care for most fashions or how things are supposed to be done. I've often been clueless about fashion rules. I've had trouble understanding people and why they react the way they do. As a child I spent more time alone, building fantastic worlds and alien languages, than I did with people. I seem to be drawn to the oddballs, outcasts even. While other women in church want to listen to Steve Green, cook, watch movies that make you cry, and do crafts, I want to blast Type O Negative, write or read Gothics, and watch "Lord of the Rings." Following the latest Christian trends makes me want to gag. (Purpose-Driven Life or Prayer of Jabez? No, just give me a good translation of the Bible and some study helps!) I tried reading the Message Bible. Everyone talks about it like it's the best version ever, but I found it to be a flawed interpretation that cannot be used as a guide. I don't use Christianese. As far as culture, I do not want to be a soccer mom or do "playdates." I do not believe in Baby Einstein or cutting all TV and sugar out of a child's life. I want to wear socks with cropped pants, not go around in bare legs or nylons. I do not want to wear flowered prints or bellbottoms or high heels or tight, pointy shoes. I do not want to bare my feet in sandals. I think blue goes with green and red with purple. I think "What Not To Wear" is a stupid show and I hate makeover shows. (Ever notice how makeovers always include business suits and chopped-off hair?) I also think that Splenda tastes like crap and has a nasty aftertaste (just like diet pop), even though everybody talks like it's the most wonderful thing in the world. This is the first time in my entire life that I've had to use sugar on my Cocoa Puffs.
I am drawn to the dark in many ways: velvet and lace, vampires, Goth music. But I don't want to spike/dye my hair or wear leather/PVC. I don't want to make up my face to look dead or like a vampire. I prefer soft, flowing clothes, long, pretty hairstyles, and light, natural-looking makeup (with the occasional black eyeliner).
Here are links that might explain some parts of my personality:
It's undiagnosed but I share many traits with nonverbal learning disability. If I do have it, it's probably mild. But many areas of my life are difficult to the point of frustration, which this could explain. Of course, the frustration is because we live in a visually-oriented society. If society were more accommodating to other styles of learning and doing, NVLD wouldn't even be called a disability.
Here's a refreshing take on self-esteem. For example, this is in the second article: "High self-esteem seems most dangerous when it colors racial and ethnic tolerance. 'People with incredibly positive views of themselves feel anybody who differs from them is an insult,' explains Emler. 'They just don't like people who are different.'"