Call me Rocket.

If wishes were horses, we'd all be knee deep in crap.

Now over here, this one's for the coffee table! (While pictures are being taken of him and Elizabeth operating)

I haven't seen you in, oh gosh, who really cares?

How's everything down in the leper colony?

I'm not gonna jump you, ya homophobe.

Benton: The patient is breathing on her own.
Romano: How inconsiderate... page me when she’s gone.

I ordered liver an hour ago and haven't seen my waitress since!

Who the hell are you and why are you talking to me?

What did you use to crack his chest, a hand grenade?

Is anybody in this city not sick?  It’s like the damn plague down here.

Why mess with natural selection?  Nothing like a good influenza epidemic to thin the herds.

Lizzie!  My how you’ve grown! (When she was pregnant)

That’s why I prefer my patients anesthetized.

We still have one of those? (Referring to a discrimination policy.)

Well, I’d rather do a bowel resection. (When Elizabeth offers to reacquaint him with the hospital's discrimination policy.)

If I wanted to see a good cat fight, I’d watch The View.

None they’ve been able to pin on me. (After Peter asked him if he had any kids)

Hard to believe she’s crashing.  I can’t think without all the alarms blaring.

I wish I hadn’t just made that incision.

Cute, Reese’s Pieces.

No, you fired yourself.

That kid was a freak of nature and we have a responsibility to do research.

So you’ve decided you like the looks of the 21st century.

Oh, no, someone call the interview police.

Super glue that pager to your forehead if you have to.

You can go away now. (To Gallant)

I was going to have you paged, but I couldn’t be sure you’d be wearing your pager.

Per diem means per my discretion.

Trolling for work, Peter?

When did you get out?  (To Carter on his first day back after rehab.)

So who’s watching the drugstore cowboy?

Well I guess I don’t have to ask what you’ve been up to.  (To Chen when he sees her pregnant)

Romano: You're scaring me, Peter, you're not your usual jolly self today; you haven't developed a drug addiction or a drinking problem like the rest of your misfit buddies in the ER., have you?
Peter: Nope.
Romano: Give it time.

I was going to offer to assist after my AV shunt, but not if you’re going to go prenatal on me.

I’m sorry, this must be the day spa.  I was looking for the OR.

Do you really think you need it? (When Elizabeth is pregnant and she tells Romano he could order pizza and ice cream for her.)

Here’s our little action hero.  (Referring to Elizabeth after she rescued a man from a collapsed building.)

What are you, the nutrition nazi? (To Kerry when he was complaining about the food in the vending machines.)

Chen:  I want to surprise them.  (Her parents about her pregnancy)
Romano: How?  By going into labor at Sunday dinner?
Romano: Mom’s the word.

I had my fingers crossed.  (When Kerry asked him if he took the Hippocratic Oath)

Don’t forget to tell Larry King you only fly first class.  (After Elizabeth was featured in a newspaper article about her rescue of a man from a collapsed building.)

Didn’t he develop his addiction under your watchful eye?

What genius replaced all the candy in the vending machines with raisins and rice cakes?

America’s poor eating habits help keep us in business.

You and I both know that I'm capable of the low blow, however I rarely use it to such purity of purpose.

Well isn’t this a scrub fest.

From now on, I'm only going to do favors for people who come begging at my doorstep.

Apparently we have a new resident starting today. Jing-Mei Chen, or sling ...well, anyway, I need you to say howdy doody.

What the hell did you use to make this incision, a chainsaw?

You’re a resident Peter.  You don’t take a piss without getting permission.

Well, well, well.  This is quite a convention.  (As he is walking into a trauma room.)

Romano: I’m sorry, didn’t you get my memo?
Weaver: What memo?
Romano: The one that says I run the place.

He’s a teenager.  What do they know about life.

How much of your brain did they cut out?

We’re not going to have a bunch of lowlife junkies parading in and out of here.

It was a screaming success if your desired outcome was paralysis.

My gardener could’ve gotten a 3.8 at the U of I and he had his head run over by an ice cream truck when he was a kid.

Recarpeting my office?  (To Weaver when she visited him in the hospital after his accident.)

Tell Jonesy that Robert Romano is sending over 4 critical patients all of whom I expect to be treated like his own mother, without the inappropriate touching.

Romano: Sign out all the demerol and morphine.
Shirley: To who?
Romano: You, me, and my Uncle Bernie.

Luka: My patient’s going to lose his airway.
Romano: So intubate him and take him in your Viper.

We’re scientists Peter.  We’re not allowed sentimentality.

Frankly you lost me somewhere around Dubuque.  (In response to Lucy’s scattered presentation of a patient.)

They are going to be looking for a sacrificial lamb and I have to tell you, right now you are looking pretty wooly.

Romano: What? Didn't think I had a mother, did you?
Haleh: Just trying to picture her.

That’s brilliant.  Did they teach you that in nursing school?

Ms. Knight you are like a crazed Energizer bunny on this one. You just keep going and going and going and going...

You are one sadistic bitch, you know that? (To his physical therapist)

Therapist: Now give me your middle finger.
Romano: I would if I could.

Which board member’s ass are you kissing?  (To Kerry)

Yo!  I am Spartacus.  Come here!  (To Carter after his walkout.)

That proletarian revolt you staged left us a little short-handed down here. (Short-handed coming from the man with only one healthy arm.)

I told Weaver to fire you but you can’t trust a lesbian to do a man’s job, so instead I ended up babysitting three gorks and a dirtball with the DT’s.

The last time I did ER scut work I had a ponytail and a lava lamp.  I do not enjoy revisiting those days!

Try to keep the public displays of affection to a minimum.  This is a workplace, not a parade.  (To Kerry–referring to Sandy kissing her.)

Kerry: The surgery went well.
Romano: So they say.  But, you know how surgeons lie.

I signed the third quarter income projections.  You know, we should evacuate the hospital once every year for the money we’re saving.

Romano: You’re supposed to be chief resident aren’t you?
Carter: Yeah.
Romano: Well you better start acting like one before your students kill off the rest of your patients.

Elizabeth: This the gunshot wound?
Romano: What’s left of him.
Elizabeth: What happened to him?
Romano: Well, he had the unfortunate luck of passing through the ER butcher shop.

If this poor devil has some acceptable complication and his lawyers discovered his surgeon was operating with his wrong hand, we both might as well bend over.

Romano: Are you suturing with your left hand?
Peter: Yeah, I'm ambidextrous.
Romano: The hell you are. I've seen third year medical students sew faster.

Hey, Kerry. What, are you lurking around men's rooms now, changing tunes again?

Trying to raise the dead, Lizzie? Go directly to the morgue, do not pass go, do not collect $200.

Well, well, well.  If it isn’t the lean, Greene, fighting machine.

What can I say Peter?  Sometimes being a resident just sucks.

So what’ll it be, Mother Goose or Bambi?  (Referring to dinner entree choices.)

You want to be a parent?  Shut up and do your job!

Ah, so it appears that Carter has been playing mommy against daddy.

Ohhhh, I’m at County!  (When he wakes up after his arm was amputated.)

Your 15 minutes are up.  (On a card after Kerry screws up on TV.)

Romano: We're not talking about me.
Kerry: Isn't that your favorite subject?

What’s wrong, is Prince Harry in rehab again?  (To Elizabeth when she is crying.)

Romano: Not a very good picture, though.
Elizabeth: Well not all of us can have your devastatingly good looks.

Romano: I couldn't do it, work with family.
Elizabeth: Robert, you can't work with anyone.

Romano: He's a big boy.
Elizabeth: It was mean
Romano: Oh, he was mean to me first!

Romano: Look at you, look at me. Who would you rather spend an hour with?
Elizabeth: You have a point.

I had no choice.  This poor swine is full of stones.

Even with one arm I’m a better surgeon than the rest of the hacks in this hospital.

Last time I checked, I was still head of both surgery and this hospital.

Sweet Mary and Joseph would you look at the size of that gall bladder!  Jeez, you could feed a small amish family for a week on that thing.

I know Weaver’s been forming alliances with some of the tribal elders while I was recuperating, but I would’ve expected a little more loyalty from you Lizzie.

Keep me abreast of any other Weaver covert ops.  The last thing I need is Mata Hari leading a palace coup.

Nathan: Excuse me, I’m looking for Dr. Corday.
Romano: Yeah, aren’t we all.  You a bill collector or suitor?
Nathan: Med student.
Romano: You must be a slow learner.
Nathan: Career change.
Romano: Cowboy and fireman didn’t work out, huh?

Nathan: What happened?  (Referring to Romano’s arm.)
Romano: Tennis elbow.

Romano: Thought you left Lizzie.
Lizzie: Me too.  I’m supposed to be trick-or-treating.
Romano: Little old for that, don’t you think?

If you’ve got this Lizzie, I’m going to go check on the rest of the kiddies. 

Nathan: Excuse me, you’re a surgeon?
Romano: That’s the rumor.
Nathan: Uh, I think there’s something here you should see.
Romano: You’re a med student.  You haven’t learned to think yet.

Everybody off the elevator!  Take the stairs next time, you’ll live longer!

Get her the hell in here.  Maybe she can debride this guy’s wound without using a chainsaw.

Romano: Lizzie get your ass in here!
Lizzie: I’ve lost my wedding ring.
Romano: Oh boo hoo, this guy’s about to lose a leg.  I’d say chop chop but that would be in very bad taste! ...Would somebody please call Tiffany’s search and rescue team!

Lizzie: Why are you still here?
Romano: Uh, my piano recital was cancelled.

Oh please, spare me the 2 dollar psychoanalysis Lizzie.

I know most people don’t like me.  I don’t care.  I don’t like most people.

Excessive therapy?!  Excessive?  How’s this for excessive–I had my arm sliced off.  I mean what do I need to do to get full therapy, have a pack of wolves come chew off my leg too?!

Look, my physical therapist, my orthopedic surgeon, the chief of staff of the hospital that pays your premiums...  What’s his name again?  Oh, that’s right.  Meee!

It’s not disability you gnat!  I’m still working!  Hello? Hello?  Coward!

Romano: The peek and shriek still out of it?
Lizzie: No, I told him.
Romano: Told him?  You were in there for all of 90 seconds!

You know, I’m going to have to get you your own complaint box.

Romano:  Your med student, the martini shaker, he camped out in my office and says that you refuse to put him on call. 
Lizzie: He has Parkinson’s disease.
Romano: Yeah.  Hence the martini shaker reference.  C’mon, Lizzie, work with me.
Lizzie: It’s bad enough he has to see patients.
Romano: Oh, I get it.
Lizzie: What?
Romano: You have something against doctors with disabilities.
Lizzie: Only on a case by case basis.

Romano: The last thing I need is some dim lawyer from the ACLU coming in here and telling me I have to put handrails on the urinals.  Oh, and by the way, the guy with the twitch, he’s suing your ass.
Lizzie: Oh, and we care nothing about Mr. Nathan?
Romano: Who’s Nathan?
Lizzie: Him, my Parkinson’s student.
Romano: Oh.  Uh, right.  No, I don’t care.  This place is littered with masochists.  Just make sure he doesn’t kill anyone.

Romano:  You, anything monosyllabic you care to add other than apologies for being late?
Abby:  Sorry.
Romano: That’s two syllables.

So it’s true, you’re all suckers for the accent!

Bottom line is this will all be settled by the medical exec committee in three weeks.  So until then, how do we untwist everybody’s panties?

God is love.

I’m beginning to think that ER stands for everyone’s retarded.  I mean, I know your hubby's one of the big giant heads down there, but honestly it's a wonder they all find their way to work every day.

Peter:  No nights, no weekends.
Romano:  That’s a good one.  I prefer the one about the goldfish and the rabbi.

Peter:  I need to scale back my hours and I need it in writing.
Romano:  To whom it may concern, no friggin way.

Good idea.  You call grandma, you call grandpa, and I’ll roll this guy over so we can all kiss his ass goodbye.

Slave labor—the only way the public heath system can afford to provide medical care to all the freeloaders.

Did I ever tell you you’re my hero?

Look at it this way.  I get to have a life and you get to earn a special place in my heart.

Romano:  The daughter was driving?
Peter:  Yeah she pinned him up against a brick wall.
Romano:  No wonder I don’t have kids.

Congratulations, we call that a hat trick.  (After Elizabeth’s third post-op patient death in one week.)

Oh no one else could do it.  Well then by all means lets get whoever’s available.

What the hell happened anyway?  You knew you blew it on the first leg, so you decided to do the other one?

Stop crying, I'll clean up after you.

Newsflash! This is an urban trauma center. Until people start planning their MVAs and GSWs better, you are not going to be punching a time clock. That's not me being a hard-ass. That's the job.

Romano: It's like sex, isn't it, Peter?
Peter: What?
Romano: Vascular surgery. Messy, fun, and when done right you leave satisfied.

I heard you've got bleeders popping up like prairie dogs in here.

Look, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but one night course does not a pain specialist make!

Have you given any more thought to that impressive offer you got?  (Referring to a job offer that Elizabeth got, but having the double meaning of Romano recently asking her out on a date.)

Now I'm well aware you don't relish working with me.  I mean, your face I can't resist, but know this:  I would do anything in my power to have you stay in surgery.  Including making myself as scarce as possible.

Romano: Uh, Lizzie, how much would you pay for my sperm? 
Elizabeth: I beg your pardon?
Romano: Oh, was that sexual harassment? Oh, oh my...No, I'm being recruited by the Marshall-Hillberg sperm bank; its donors include Olympic athletes and Nobel Prize winners. It's an elite gene pool.
Elizabeth: And they want you?
Romano: Yeah, it's a little embarrassing, actually. But it's for a good cause. I mean, who knows what the mother's side is going to bring to the party, but as for my side of the genetic divide, I can guarantee a significant advantage over the rest of the spermic competition. Can't have too many extra Romanos running around, spicing up the gene pool, can we?

Romano: For you, Lizzie?  Anything. (When Elizabeth asks for permission for Peter to operate on his trauma patients)

If I knew it were yours, I would have sniffed the tailpipe.

You are either a masochist or the stubbornest woman I've ever met, but I admire your fortitude.

Well, because you're gonna show him around, show him what heroes we all are, how we save kiddies lives, et cetera -- you know, blow my trumpet, Lizzie.

Mark:  You’re comfortable sending the message to our residents that their opinions are worthless and they’re just here to serve you?
Romano:  Actually I’d be completely comfortable with that.

Well, it’s nice to see the ER brain trust diligently working after hours.

Hell of a job you ER docs have. You have to scout out the territory and then call in the big boys to go in for the kill.

You know, I always thought of you as a big man, but compared to Jerry you’re just sort of an ambitious elf aren’t you.

Did anyone ever bother to verify that there really are medical schools in Croatia?  Anyone?

If she lives, you’re a hero.  If she doesn’t I don’t know you.

Romano:  What are you doing, your own private M&M with the kid’s mother?
Luka:  She wanted to know how her son died.
Romano:  One word:  peacefully.  Leave it at that.

If you’d been on a low fat diet you wouldn’t need any of this. (To a patient needing a bypass.)

That would explain the baby monitor I see strapped to your belly or are you just glad to see me?  (To Elizabeth when she was pregnant.)

Look, I appointed you Associate Chief so I’d have a lieutenant on the front lines that I could count on.  Now you want to be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen you have my blessing.  Go forth and multiply.  But this is why surgery’s an old boy’s club.

C’mon upstairs sir where the good drugs are.

Romano:  Okay cowboy I got a vascular surgeon, an anesthesiologist, and three surgical residents waiting upstairs in an OR suite that rents for 5 grand an hour.
Luka:  He wants to stay with his wife.
Romano:  Well isn’t that touching.
Luka:  She’s dying.
Romano:  Well if she doesn’t die faster, he’s going to be dying with her.
Luka:  I explained all that.
Romano:  I’m going upstairs.  If he’s not up there in 10 minutes, I’m going to take out your spleen.

Luka!  What is that, Croatian for lucky?

Luka, Luka, Luka, listen to me.   This is important, because no truer words have ever been spoken.  The last four letters in American are 'I can'.

Let me put it another way.  Cover this and I’ll owe you.  Don’t, and you’re fired.

Who knew you were such a conniving, manipulative seductress?  Well I did actually.  But you’ve out Weavered yourself this time.

Romano:  Remember Alderman Bright?  He was in here a couple of weeks ago and somehow your team of miscreants managed to not kill him.  I know, I am as surprised as you are.
Weaver:  Well he must have been impressed with County.
Romano:  Yeah, either that or the prostate massage. 

Make sure you groom all these degenerates before he gets here, okay.

I’m not some poor schmuck who worries about how he’s going to hold his beer can while he whacks away watching TV.  I want my arm back.

Romano:  Who summoned a surgical consult?
Susan:  You’re here for a consult?
Romano:  No, I heard Weaver was teaching a Jazzercise class out in the ambulance bay.

If you enjoy having testicles bigger than raisins I suggest you don’t start using again.

Susan:  I was going to drain it here but I could feel a deep perirectal component.
Romano:  And we all know what a pain in the ass that can be.

Ah the copper and Clorox aroma of a vigorous mixed bacterial infection.  Smells like surgery.

If you didn’t have to dig I would’ve let those ER stooges do it.

And the head bone’s connected to the what again?

Don’t do it Jensen.  My car’s down there.

Elizabeth:  Choledochojejunostomy?
Romano:  Well you can say it.  Do you want to do it?