Here are the nasty emails I write to entertain you all.

Oh snap! Vodka babies and a plane ticket.
Ok ok. They're bad, let's just drop a one ton bomb on their apartment building.
Whenever I call the police department, I become strangely eloquent.
I learned to fight watching Captain Kirk on Star Trek or How Bubba the biker makes me his bitch every Saturday night.
Herd 'em up. I hear its rawhide, man.
The Mo-fugging Captain.
Urge to kill rising....
Heh. Oh Crap! I'm Feeling Inspired.
Oh, the Horror!
Contributing Factors.
I'm your white Rabbit.
I was a geek until the internet ruined it.
Jingle Bells and something sad.
How I took over the world with a pint of wonton soup and a pay phone receiver.
Cult Members Eat Lunch with Me.
My head is filled with mushrooms.
Dreamy mush.
Is this the kind of world we live in?
Tastes like a copper penny.
Give me liberty and give me a few whores.
I just want my coffee.
What was that? I couldn't hear you. I was tied down.
Beef, Its what's for dinner.
Untitled, from no reason other than I can't think of anything.
Filling a request.
Cook my brains in applesauce and call me "pretty".
You lost your arms in battle! But you grew some nice boobs.
The Jaguar X Type.