So, Uncle Salty and I are starting a new project. Its pretty much
a spin off of that old mail order bride scheme with a twist you
only expect from two truly great invidiuals.
The problem with mail order brides is a simple one. You're getting
some needy woman from Mother Russia who wants a goddamn Green Card.
Do you really want to marry some bitch who is just going to give all
your best friends head? While your friends might, you probably don't.
You're already heading into the hell of marriage, so why should you
have to worry about a two-timing skank?
The resolution is likewise simple. Training. You buy young, direct
from the source. The bride in question gets sent to us and we sculpt
her into a great woman. The kind of woman you would want doing your
dishes. The kind of woman you don't have to worry about. The kind of
bride you want. We bring the real doll to life.
Onto the next idea.
I was in a meeting today. Here are some notes I took. Within a couple
weeks I could probably write a four hundred page manual on how meetings
have destoryed corporate America. Granted, there are some reasons to
have them, but the vast majority of time, they are completely a waste of
resources. Personally, I would rather have a production server down than
spend two hours in a meeting (unless, of course, free lunch or hookers
are involved). Basically, after writing this lame book, I'll try and
pass it off to various useless departments like Marketing or Training
maybe even Senior Management. One of the three will buy and think its
great and that's what the corporate workplace really needs. Dumb idea, but
here you go anyway...
Corporate Inefficencies...
- Holding meetings to revise a document.
- Holding staff meetings when there is nothing to discuss.
- Ignorance disguised as being inquisitive.
- Adding functionality when none is needed.
- Over-complicating processes.
- Asking questions you already know the answers to.
- Improving misunderstood processes.
- Using big words to hide a lack of knowledge.
- Inviting uninvolved groups to meetings.
- Developing in a production environment.
- Making the workplace your life.