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Ten Keys to
Communication in Marriage
Ron
and I managed to beat the heavy odds against successful teen marriage.
Our relationship stood solid when in our late twenties we turned to
Christ and began to attend church. Our focus broadened as we started
to study books on Christian marriage. Wanting to improve a good thing,
we attended conferences and joined Bible studies that focused on relationships.
One message rang loud and clear. “Communication” is critical to a
good marriage. In an effort to achieve the standards of communication
presented in the books I read, I informed Ron we needed to plan time
to talk together. Being a loving husband who seeks to meet his wife’s
needs when it’s in his power to do so, Ron agreed. We decided we would
sit on the sofa and “communicate” for 15 minutes.
So we checked the clock, parked ourselves, and tried our best to converse.
Together we sat on the sofa. We looked at each other. We looked away.
I increased the pressure when I told Ron how much I needed him to
talk to me. His frustrations increased because you can only talk so
long about talking. After about four and a half minutes, it was apparent
communication was not happening; but by then we had a few feelings
to communicate. As he turned on the TV, he let me know he felt irritated.
While walking out of the room, I informed him I felt dissatisfied.
Thankfully, we didn’t give up on trying to communicate. Since then,
we’ve found numerous ways to maintain intimacy through communication.
I’ve listed several suggestions for enhancing closeness and relating
to one another in marriage. Look for some with which you might want
to experiment.
1. Pray with each other. Praying out loud with another person offers
a window into their heart. For years we struggled with this one until
we added it to our nightly walk. That brings us to the second suggestion…
2. Walk with each other. Conversation comes easily when we walk. Sometimes
we talk continually and other times we just walk. Walking removes
the pressure to keep chatting. Our nightly stroll has done wonders
in keeping us connected.
3. Work with each other. Working in the yard, painting, cooking, or
cleaning give opportunities for a natural flow of conversation. Another
benefit is the inherent reward of accomplishing something together.
4. Play with each other. Our friends report their marriage got a real
boost when they bought a bicycle for two. Others find golfing, hiking,
canoeing, skiing, and other sports of value for staying in touch.
5. Date each other. A weekly date night can be helpful for couples,
especially those with young children. Find a reliable babysitter and
plan some inexpensive dates.
6. Phone each other. Depending on your jobs, it might be possible
to connect in the middle of the day with a brief phone call to say,
“Hi, how’s it going. I was thinking of you.”
7. Show interest in each other. You don’t have to participate in all
your spouse’s activities to share an interest. My husband likes to
golf, but I don’t. Still I’ve learned the jargon and enjoy hearing
about his game. I know about bogey, birdie and the dreaded slice.
8.
Treat each other. When Ron is working out in the garage, I’ll often
take him lunch or a glass of iced tea. He’ll sit down for a break
and we’ll relax together.
9. Compliment each other. Recognize your spouse’s strengths and express
thankfulness for specific behaviors. A negative nagging attitude will
kill all chances of productive communication. Refrain from criticism.
10. Study each other. Ask open-ended questions and listen to the answers.
Learn your spouse’s likes and dislikes. Find out how your spouse desires
for you to show love—then do it.
by Cyndie Hamley |
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