"I hate all sports as rabidly as a person who likes sports hates common sense."
                                                                                    -- H.L. Mencken

Scenario: Ohio State University All-American tailback Robert Smith leaves the Buckeye football team in a rage after allegedly being told he was spending too much time in class. The pre-med student is replaced in the starting lineup by sophomore Butler By'no'te.

By'no'te, who, according to one Columbus sportswriter, has forced editors all over the midwest to place a rush order for more apostrophes, runs for nearly 200 yards against Arizona, prompting the Ohio State fans to start chanting, "Doctor Who?"

Scenario: The residents of Toledo vote down a school levy that suddenly threatens the coming football season. Another emergency vote is taken -- and passes quite safely. That other extracurricular activities are threatened, including yearbook and band, is barely a footnote to the fact that interscholastic sports are endangered.

Interestingly enough, the passing of the new levy (second time around) makes headlines -- on the sports pages.

Scenario: Driving home from a meeting in north Toledo, I stop for a few minutes to watch a young football team going through practice. They look to be in about fifth or sixth grade, and proudly bear the name of a Catholic grade school on their practice jerseys.

The coach erupts. "(Expletive deleted) you guys, if you don't want to be here and practice (another expletive deleted) hard, then get the (unbelieveably inappropriate expletive deleted) out of here and don't come back! Now run laps!"

Now, don't get me wrong -- unlike the venerable H.L. Mencken, I am enamored of sports. I live and die with the exploits of the Cincinnati Reds, Boston Celtics, and Bowling Green State University Falcons.

I help to coach a high school CYO basketball team that is 31-12 over the last three years, and even though the gut doesn't show it any more, I even earned a letter running cross-country in high school. I own over 35,000 baseball cards.

So I enjoy sports, put a lot of time into athletics, coaching, watching, just talking about it. But if I may make a fine, yet crucial distinction, sports just aren't that important to me.

No important enough to criticize a young man with aspirations to the medical field for not wanting to skip chemistry class for football practice; certainly not important enough to scream obscenities at a bunch of cowering 10-year-olds because it might make them better football players.

Fortunately, not all members of the coaching fraternity share the penchant for using abuse as a teaching tool. One of those is Cardinal Stritch High School football coach Ralph Orsini, whom I had the pleasure of watching conduct a practice this past week.

Now, Cardinal Stritch doesn't win very many football games. Including a win this past weekend, the Cardinals are 2-24 since the beginning of the 1989 campaign. Fortunately, that doesn't deter the commitment of Coach Orsini and his staff and players.

For Orsini, football -- the game and all the preparation it takes to play it -- is a tool for education.

"Athletics -- the game of football itself -- is one where there's a lot of sacrifice involved," says Orsini. "All the elements of what you're going to experience in the outside world are there.

"Living in a community -- which is your football team; playing a position which is best suited for you -- not everyone can be a star and play running back or quarterback; the sacrifice and the determination.

"Being able to adjust to adversity is something everyone experiences every day of their life, and football puts you through that as much as anything you're going to find."

Don't believe the coach's philosophy can work? Listen to some of his players spit back what they've learned playing football for Stritch:

Tucker Frederickson, who along with being one of the truly great "football names" in local high school sports, is one of the top tailbacks in the area, says, "Football does prepare you for life; it's all about finding out how you can accomplish your goals."

Wingback Ty Tracy adds, "Coach is always saying that football makes it easier to deal with life -- I guess if you can get through two-a-days, you can get through just about anything in life!"

Cornerback Mike Gocsik puts it all together by saying, "I go to school to learn, and football has helped me to learn about friendship and team concepts. It's taught me to work hard, and even if things don't go well, you can't quit. I'll keep that the rest of my life."

So varsity football can be an atmosphere for learning?

In high school, my friends used to tease me about being on the "varsity quiz bowl team," or starting for the "varsity newspaper." That word, "varsity," even though we joked about it, was important to us.

The original meaning of the word "varsity" was simply "university" -- a place to learn. Logically, then, the varsity is a place to learn -- not to be verbally abused, whether by coaches or by fans.

Whether that place of learning is varsity football should be up to the individual -- like Robert Smith; maybe (cue laugh track) varsity quiz bowl (or varsity chemistry class) is the way to go.

Some coaches, like Ralph Orsini, seem to know that already. Football is a classroom for him, a chance for him to teach young people about life. That IS important.

And, with a tip of the cap to Mr. Mencken, that's only common sense.