by Mick Doherty [mickwrites@hotmail.com] for ESPN.com
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Texas Rangers
2001 Fantasy Report by Mick Doherty [mickwrites@hotmail.com] for ESPN.com |
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July 31, 2001 Texas Rangers 2001: The Seussical Inspired by the brilliant James Joyce-ian riff of my Oakland A's colleague John Gizzi, I've developed a short review of the Rangers' 2001 season that pays tribute to another great author, an accomplished "doctor." (We'll return to regular fantasy reports after today's trading deadline.) So, then ...
Liked pitching a lot But management in Hicks-ville ... did NOT! Any Helling or Rogers could handle THAT chore Add an Oliver's twist ("if you please sir, no more!") Melvin loved offense, from Raffy and Pudge And so added A-Rod, and surely wouldn't budge. Yet ... whatever the reason (Lack of middle relievers?) The fans held their breath despite "veteran leaders" The corners had Cammy and Andres the Cat But by Aug's trading deadline, both had just scat. Mateo to CIN, Mirabelli to BOS Even Oates, he "resigned" after loss after loss. Everyone hated the blown saves and squeakers They hated the blowouts and tight ulcer-wreakers They hated the road losses, home losses as well (We got WHO for Mateo? Some guy named Rob Bell?) The disabled list filled as hamstrings a-broke Rusty and Chad out (Where's Gabe Kapler's stroke?) Cliff Brumabugh? Bo Porter? Ledee (call him Ricky)? Monroe and Sierra? (Oh, don't be so picky!) Crabtree got bombed and Petkovsek was shelled Was that a Jeff Brantley fastball? No one could tell! Danny Kolb, he's been hurt, with Mahomes standing Pat Coco Cordero's DL time is his outstanding stat. Kevin Foster's no answer, nor is Ryan Glynn Johnson, Dickey, Judd, Smart ... can't anyone win? So this season, it's over? Just some veteran contracts to rid? No, no, the fans ... they'd just blow their lids So look around for ... the kids! THE KIDS! Best of all youthful input from the KIDS! KIDS! KIDS! KIDS! So ... Bell threw a shutout (or anyway, nearly) And the V-and-Z bullpen was improving, clearly! Doug Davis was back from his trip to the minors Throwing nothing but strikes, shut up all you whiners! Juan Moreno (watch out!), another pen lefty Even Aaron Myette (though his ERA's hefty) And after a "trainout," let's Drill for a cure A quality start from Justin Duchschurer! Jerry's Kids, they were winning, under new skipper Narron They were winning ... with PITCHING! ... is how they were farin' And more kids in the infield (Mikes Young and Lamb, no?) These once-high-school teammates were teamed up in The Show! The men on the bench, thanks to all those DL'd Showed flexible service time in "positions held" Scooter and Frankie and the veteran Randy (And Pudge's backup, no Hasel) -- they all proved quite handy. And next year, who knows? With Hammerin' Hank Blalock Carlos Pena at first base, Mark Teixeira adds sock And the top pitching prospect (Jovanny Cedeno's his name) Could break the rotation and win a few games Yes, the suits in the suites in Hicks-ville have learned That hitting sans pitching just gets you burned They learned that lesson in the hardest way So a Texas Arms Race is on today. And what happens now? Well ... in Arlington, they say That the Rangers future team ERA Dropped two full runs that day And the team once owned by a president's son Ran a second-half win streak to prove they weren't done In fact, they made a list, labeled "Things We Must Do" And they ... with some PITCHING! ... Looked toward 2002. |