What's wrong (and right) with "The
Phantom Menace"
A science-fiction author scours the
new "Star Wars" film for signs of intelligent life.
Editor's Note: Be warned that the following
article contains "spoilers" -- plot points and other
details about "The Phantom Menace" that you may wish
to avoid if you haven't seen the movie yet and plan to do so.
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By David Brin
June 15, 1999 | First off, let me say that I think the
film looks gorgeous. George Lucas was able to hire the best. He
took advantage of advances in computer graphics to portray many
old sci-fi favorites in vivid ways. The costumes are just spiffy,
the sword fight scenes zesty. Great aliens, too (except for Yoda,
who's still a rubber oven mitt with two facial expressions: patronizing
and condescending).
I actually quite enjoyed the first part of the film -- Jedis running
around on the Trade Federation mother ship, jumping and slashing,
leaping and blasting. My hopes started to rise. But then -- well,
let me list just a few items:
Clichés
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Underwater cities? A city that covers a whole planet? Where've
we seen those before? Well, they may be clichés, but Lucas
stole them fair and square, and served them back with loads of
panache, so he's forgiven. On the other hand, there are other
clichés that make you moan aloud. For example:
* "Hey, you guys, don't you mess with me because
my mom is the Virgin Mary! (At least that's what she told
her folks when she came home pregnant one day.) I guess you know
what that makes ME, so everybody drop down and give me 20!"
* "I think maybe he is the CHOSEN ONE ..." Oh,
really? As in "Dune"? Or in "The Matrix"?
Or in "Lord of the Rings"? Or "A New Hope"
(the original 1977 "Star Wars" movie)? Or ... make your
own list. It will stretch for light years.
* "He is too old to train to be a Jedi."
-- Uh, Yoda? You say 6 is too old, but Luke Skywalker will
be a doable fixer-upper at 20? When do you recruit novices --
ripping them from the breast, like the Psi Corps in "Babylon
5"? Does the Jedi Way require complete denial of normal childhood?
An odd message for a kid flick!
* "Oh no! There's an unstoppable robot army! Of course
all we have to do is pull a master switch and they'll all shut
off!"
This recalls blowing up the shield projector in "Return of
the Jedi" (which is achieved entirely thanks to the wookie
-- neither Luke nor Leia makes any real difference in achieving
the Rebel victory. Think about it!). Or a computer virus shutting
down all alien shields in "Independence Day." Or Obi-Wan
dialing down the tractor beam. Or the hero in "Logan's Run"
shooting one computer console and blowing up a city. And so on.
Yeesh! Are villain equipment-designers really that bad in every
off-Earth empire? In fairness, this cliché is endemic.
Ever notice how, in "Star Trek," Kirk talked five different
super-computers into self-destructing? If the universe really
is like this, we Earthlings are gonna kick butt when we get out
there!
* A good machine is one that has to be hammered into turning on
for you (e.g. Anakin's speed-pod, his space fighter, the Millennium
Falcon, C-3PO and so on). If it starts right up, it must be evil.
* Some might view the pod race as a rip-off copy of the speeder
bike scene in "Return of the Jedi." Actually, I found
the charioteer imagery charming. Hey, a swooping chase scene past
scary obstacles is always a good thing to throw into a whiz-bang
sci-fi flick! Nevertheless, having a 6-year-old slave toss together
a better pod than all the galaxy's technicians can create? (Those
Tatooine slave schools must have a great curriculum!) Couldn't
he have had help from an old but great engineer who retired to
Tatooine for his health? That cliché would have lent plausibility.
* Big animals try to eat whole spaceships, yum. Where've we seen
that before?
* An apprentice Jedi -- watching helplessly as his beloved master
is slain in a sword fight by a Sith Lord -- screams, "No!"
Where've we seen that before? (Incidentally, the angry apprentice
succeeds where his calm master failed -- just as Luke Skywalker
does better angry than when he was composed, in "Return of
the Jedi." So much for Yoda's sage advice!)
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