the asheville asylum

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the following notations recorded during early august, 1985
(Dmoll's second dream)

CN DMOLL010647: after it seemed that Dmoll had come to accept (although not fully utilize) his shadow, a second important step in his process of individuation occurred. i had recorded numerous inconsequential erotic fantasies that he initially felt were meaningful. and during this process three definite images complete with symbolic functions stood out: the virgin, the wanton woman, and the mother--all fixed allegorical concepts that bring with them immense power in the field of religious psychology. but as the ANIMA consistently assumes one of these roles, we must realize that there are many subcategories of each that those undergoing jungian analysis identify with. or, better said, it is a subcategory of only one of the three that the patient can point to as his anima (or in the case of a woman, her ANIMUS). it is extremely rare that a patient's anima is ipso facto one of these pure and simple. my rough wording to Dmoll as i tried to help him define the concept..."the anima is in a man a symbolic representation of the historically accumulated attributes of the opposite sex. a man's anima is the collection of attributes typically associated with the feminine; the woman's animus is, contrarily, comprised of those typically associated with the masculine. this constellation of attributes is represented to you in the form of a feminine image, replete with physical and mental characteristics. like your shadow, the image and the accompanying attributes are not totally subject to the contents of the collective unconscious, but are much colored, hammered, and arranged by your personal interactions with those girls and women you associate with. 'i'm sorry Dmoll, would you repeat that? no, i think that the dream you had with your imagined mother...yes yes, the one where you labeled the body parts...yes, that one i think is more a idealized image that you would like your actual mother to have been....but maybe, now that you mention it....some of the descriptions may be appropriate....when we're done,

try to find that painting and we'll go over what you wrote. no, no, i'm sure it's here somewhere...maybe with klaus. anyway, maybe there's something important in the right side of the picture....right, where you painted nurse katrin...be.. what, hummmm, yes, because katrin is not someone you fantasized to be someone else, but rather is a distinct individual in herself. but i'm thinking that she may exhibit some of the same qualities that accompanied the anima in your dream last night...' but don't forget Dmoll, the anima has a second major function and this function is different from the first. remember the first function was as a representation of your feminine side. a static function. now the second function is a guide. a guide to the unconscious. for it is she who points like janus in two directions! and it is she who points you to the light of conscious understanding of your personal and social self and it is she who leads you to the oceans of the collective unconscious, when you are ready to be led. so it is also said that one can fall in love with one's anima. not so, but one can fall in love with her one important aspect that elicits a response from the personality... trust. you fall in love with your willingness to trust. at any rate, the journey that has turned a lot of people into lunatics. but more of this tomorrow. but Dmoll's most recent and acutely meaningful dream, one only half represented in this painting is a depiction of an anima i have never seen before for 3 distinct images occur at once.

the virgin

the wanton woman and the madonna

and it seems almost distressing that Dmoll has pointed to the wanton woman, suggesting that she was the woman in the dream he had. i think i'll stop for tonight...i need to reread the Aeneas myth again before continuing. 

(wanton woman=prostitute.....and what are the returns?....money....only money.....other motives?......why prostitute why wanton?......temple prostitutes...to give up virginity.....for what.....no money......for the myth?......why?....in cyprus....what was aphrodite's temple 'maidens' actual function?.../need a prostitute's motive always be base?....the maidens sexual acts ensured the fertility of the fields...a ritual of damnation?....what was the remainder of the deflowered maiden's life like.?...as i understand they were scorned! indeed. perhaps...is it possible that the original role of prostitute was to relinquish that universal but short lived virtue for the good of the folk...but in the self same act to condemn oneself to scorn and damnation by the very people who benefited from that act?....is then the role of the prostitute not one of self sacrifice????? like dido. a queen whose husband was newly dead, to whom she had oathed to remain queen and solitary????...this myth is not about 'love' it is about sacrifice, isn't it??...that a queen who had pledged solitude to her people, who knew that there were enemies without, who would give herself to aeneas and concomitant damnation and vile in the eyes of her people....yet seduced the great warrior prince aeneas to function as a protector to her people....how great must have been the courage of this queen....she, the ultimate prostitute, who acted wanton and perhaps undignified solely to secure a champion for her people, for her city, for their prosperity...this then must be the historic role, upon which, unfortunately, our current definition has been superimposed!) how did our conversation in august go? was i clear. did he understand?

dmoll
dr regis

anyway that's the way i see it....that the role , the original role was one of self sacrifice.

and if that's true, then our traditional notion that the madonna's greatest attribute of self sacrifice for the survival of her offspring is not all correct? but don't all three pure forms of the anima somehow possess the attribute of self sacrifice ? 

i see where you're going and i can see that too, but the virgin sacrifice's her virginity to become a mother who sacrifices all comforts etc to ensure that the offspring furthers the future of her people. ok. but the prostitute's original sacrifice is to ensure the fundamental survival of her people NOW....not later.

......ok, i get it. so in my dream the 'wanton' women...gee what dumb term mwf...sorry... anyway, that was the image who stood at the shore of the ocean, i mean the one who was pointing to that spit of land...hummm....so you're saying that she is my anima, and that my greatest feminine attribute will be some sort of sacrificial lamb? now that scares me. i don't wanna die i don't care how many people i save. 

and looking back, i should have assured him that death is rare here; that the dream was not a prediction that he would become one of eunice's warriors gladly dying in battle for a flock that he represented; that he would grow into a heroic figure; or that he would remain obscure but envied and shunned by those close to him; or that his image of nurse katrin would eventually be the catalyst for his sudden awareness of the direction he would be going. i should have... i should have sent Cdur away when she barged into the room shouting "quick mwf cherry's having a kid now and murphy's dropping knives and forks all over the place...he ain't worth a shit! hurry! now! you! too! dmoll!" and so we started running.

the following notations recorded during early september, 1985
(Dmoll's third and fourth dreams)

CN DMOLL010647-LOG 1-11

a b "i think it meaningful that Dmoll did not relate the three dreams that culminated in this pictorial representation. actually it was Cdur. Dmoll was extremely evasive about this final third dream. so, i did not push him. instead he told me that Cdur would relate it to me. i cannot press him, he's traveling." (dr. regis' notes about his conversations with Dmoll in early september end here, but inserted into his notebook are a few pages from the Cdur diaries. ed.)

Dmoll's dream as written in Cdur's diary
Cdur's words spoken to Dmoll in the attic
Cdur's thoughts not written down...now lost

"...i had that metallic taste again, but the fire was going away....i remember....it was past 10pm and dmoll was waiting in the attic. dmoll opened the door and grabbed me and before i could say anything, he: "'remember what i'm going to tell you and you write this down and let regis know.....is everything ok, you look...did you take your meds.....half the dosage i told you.. ok?'" so we sat next to each other. his hair had grown and in a pony tail and under the lone bulb looked white and he said he'd had three dreams over the past few days and that were embarrassing and frightened. and he: '...no...i don't want regis to copy these verbatim, but so you paraphrase, you have to tell him. i want these corrupted...i mean joined, because this one is actually two dreams, and because they are related. promise?' 

it was dawn and he was standing in a battle field. rotting corpses and machinery everywhere, burning. an aftermath. dmoll said he was in uniform though not a soldier. he had a message in his pocket that he hadn't seen and knew he had to get the message to someone. he began to run and the landscape changed to mountains and valleys. and without knowing why, he started to run. dmoll, don't you remember when they found you tied to the birch tree? and nurse katrin arrived a few weeks later and said she knew someone who knew you, and that your old man used to chase you into and out of the woods when he drank and wasn't he some kind of mailman? i thought you....ok...but wait...you said katrin said...okokok...go on. he reached the top of a high plateau and saw a distant flowing river yeah like the colorado with all the rapids he had to cross. after hours of descending, he followed a mule trail along the steep gorge. he turned around to see a dark shadow. but he went on. didn't that scare you? as he approached the river the shadow had become a human creature of moist skeleton and muscle, no skin, no hair and no eyes. and dmoll said he wasn't afraid this time. the skeleton then said sneered "you were once afraid of me." buy the time he reached the edge, there on a spit of land at the water's edge he saw another figure, a dark-haired woman. dmoll! that's katrin and me and cherry, right?....why not? you said we were all in you in equal portions. remember? ok ok, but which one is stronger? which one of us is stronger? tell me, goddamit...okok i'll wait then this beautiful woman who he knew from somewhere tells him to stop. she reached out her hand and told him to give her the message. but dmoll, it must be me, because of all the paintings you gave me and klaus to hide... he was afraid that he wouldn't accomplish the errand, to deliver the message. yes, i knew it and what did i/she say? she kissed him and said: YOU ARE THE MESSAGE, but there is no one to give it to. then he was afraid because she pointed not to the river, but to a path that was continuing down another steep gorge and at the end were two rivers that converged like jesus dmoll what an image you mean like niagara falls...whirlpools...jesus the sound must have been deafening...and you were...afraid... it was almost dark, and he saw what he thought was an old friend but dmoll you don't..okokok i'll be quiet.... and dmoll asked him if this was the way and he pointed too, towards the river. that must have been MWF, right? there was a rowboat at the shore, but no tender. he got in but had to row with his hands. it seemed days, because when dmoll looked up the sky changed from light to dark and back many times. when he approached the other shore his great fear went away and when he saw the same old friend, he was relieved. this friend gave him some orange clothing and said: WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG? dmoll thought he wanted the friend's company and just as dmoll was about to ask, the friend said: I could if I wanted, but I won't. this is when dmoll said he woke up and went to the window and saw the dorr family had planted two metal objects near the front of their trailer and the sun was hot and as he stared at it it was yellow, then blue, then red. and then i stayed there till he fell asleep. and a few days later he sent me a note and i went. and he said that the day had continued...somewhere here. yes...i just finished writing down the other one... then he repeated some of the previous dream but this time used more adjectives, then he: felt shaken because he expected help from a friend. then the friend gave him a burlap bag and said: this bag contains 9 lives, but only one works. and when he touched it it became metal wait dmoll. who was that? you don't have any old friends. you grew up here.....i'm sorry.......i didn't mean it that way. and the bag...describe it. then the landscape changed and he walked by people that he thought he knew, but they were all dressed in tatters and malnourished. and as he walked he realized that he was naked. wait...where are the clothes, orange one's...aren't they like apprentice kind of clothing in the monasteries in china? and how..oh...you were wearing them but the crowd saw you as naked? the crowd pointed, smiled, and began to lead him through the street to the main square, where a huge temple suddenly appeared behind the chair throne...you mean throne... and how many doors? and there was a massive stone chair. vacant. covered with dust and debris. and a few young children led him up to the right of it, where there were steps. they motioned for him to sit down next to the chair. then suddenly, he said he had a panoramic view of what became thousands of faces, gaunt, starving, but waiting....waiting for something he came to say and do. then an old man approached dmoll with a blanket and said: DO NOT OPEN THE BAG YET, BUT YOU WILL NEED IT LATER. and he looked at the bag... and that's when you woke up, terrified? why? what was it you had to say. but...did you forget or just not know? is that when they began to bring you food and shoes? and they all sat down.? were they waiting and crying?....tears of joy. tears of joy. and dmoll stopped and didn't say anything until he went to the window and shook his head and he: 'Cdur, can you come back tomorrow evening?' and i said yes and i did. and as i expected the dream continued, and he added: 'don't be grossed out by what i'm going to tell you, just understand that means something, the way i see the human psychic energy. and i: 'what?' and he: i don't know, libido, a drive, i'll ask regis.' he recounted part of the dream and went on... then he: 'when i looked into the bag i saw someone, but i won't say who because you'll misinterpret it...trust me' jesus dmoll! then he said he had had the same dream again but in short form but with the following addition: then 8 people, 4 women and 4 men sat in a circle...i was the 9th. even though there were no introductions, i somehow understood that they represented the '8 traditions.' and a young man passed around small cup filled with a fluid, milky but in some way crystallized and almost like wall paper paste and they passed it around and we drank. i somehow understood that it was some sort of essential liquid, but only a few could drink. and it tasted salty. no way dmoll, fuck shit you mean it was... god how gross... and then a young woman passed a bowel filled with a rust-colored liquid and and we drank that...i was always the last to drink...but i didn't feel in any way repulsed... gross, i mean...you know what you were drinking? it was... 'Cdur, they were fluids that the people thought were important...and i felt that for whatever reason....to drink...was to accept them....all of them....without prejudice...become part of them, and i had this strong feeling, that i was to lead them...i don't know. but when we finished without a word exchanged the whole time...' yeah, but you were the ninth... nine, death.. he stood up without a word and heard a woman's voice calling from across the river, that had changed it course nearer the town, but as he was turning to walk back to the voice, the old man said: i'll keep the bag for you, you will need it once and you'll know when to come for it. and as he reached the river it had swollen...he stood there a long time looking into the water at an image of himself before he decided to leap into the water to swim back. 'and that's when i woke up, exhausted.' so i just hugged him and kissed him because...i don't know why...i just spent the night there holding him and kissing him and i wanted to do it, i really really wanted to......and i wanted to be two marys and the three women in his dream and the beautiful dark-haired woman at the edge of the torrents, i wanted to be them for him, but i knew i wasn't, and i wanted to do it but i just couldn't because right then and there i knew what is like to be a mother.

(the following notations recorded during early november, 1985

CN DMOLL010647-LOG 3-13
there is something definitely wrong in Cdur's account of Dmoll's latest dream. that the scene with the group should take a position of archetype is, in my experience at least, wholly out of place. traditionally such a group exercise is certainly one of initiation. at best, it is a cathartic acceptance into a group, or a realignment into a former social structure from which one was formerly ostracized. but the situation of the group should never have occurred symbolically on the far side of the river. since the river is the boundary separating the more easily accessible unconsciousness from the realm of the 'true' individual archetypes, the group ought to have been encountered earlier. furthermore, an earlier encounter would definitely place the group as standing for a society into which Dmoll desired to enter. and, of course, the dream ought to have ended at that point. but it did not. consequently, i can not think of another reason for this other than the group as a novel, emerging archetype in its own right. however, i cannot recall precedence in literature suggesting this. of course, the idea of the group as a recurring pattern does occur, but not in this enormity, not as an archetype in its own right. in our clamorous frantic need to require sole instances and individual personifications be archetypes, have we overlooked the power of the group, the group of ones?
how are recurring patterns established? because they are general in all cases of human experience and because they portray solutions to general human dilemmas? why has mankind appeared to so desperately need individuals or an entity to point to successful adaptive behavior? problem-solving behavior? 
must i question-- not jung's conclusions--, but rather his sources? what were they? did he rely too much on classical and medieval redactions of older testimony? how much work did he do in the 'new world' and what records did he peruse? did he rely too much on myths and legends that had already been given the colorization of a modern attitude or established renaissance and neo-classical religious orientation? where could he have found sources that were raw and closer to a state of meager renovation? where could he have found societies that are so close to stasis that the mythology might be in purer form?
i think i know. and i think that i may, indeed, find the group that Dmoll has resurrected, -- here, in the midst of 116 innocents and there, in africa. this is where i'll find the lost and oldest archetype.

(sometime in october, 1985 from Cdur's diary) me and dmoll in parts. i guess that's me when i was standing in front of the big window naked, and dmoll. he almost couldn't hold himself. but he didn't try. one day he'll. i know it.

(chapel hill--12.22.95) huge looking back, i think Regis' comments to me that morning when i went to wake up dmoll that afternoon and he wasn't there and after Regis finally calmed me down were right,-- although i didn't know it then. now i understand what dmoll was getting at in combining the two dreams and adding the group sequence (his actual 4th dream), because by doing this he could subordinate all the references regarding a singular male to a group. he could also subordinate the tremendous attempt at significance of the ONE to the manifest destiny of GROUP. but why? why do this? after Regis published his book (the oldest human archetype: it's hypothetical necessity, sufficient conditions to be the underlying structure of the unconsciousness, and it's current non-manifestations, Regis, Gaidi, 1994) and it became the primary text next to those of jung for my graduate course in the psycho-social dynamics of behavior, i came to realize that all of the jungian archetypes are composite in their attributes. this may be the reason that the anima depicted in dmoll's dream is a polymorph. perhaps the human psyche at it present evolutionary stage can only utilize symbolic intent cloaked in specific personifications. and again, that the shadow in dmoll's first dream is composed of both the vicious 'devil-image' as well as a caricature... in dmoll's last letter, he suggested that i return to my undergraduate major for my Ph.D. work in evolutionary genetics and emphasized maybe specializing in adaptive behavior, especially in those socio-economic climates in our history where such constellation of forces seems to provide the population with phenomenally rapid adaptation. i do not understand dmoll's reasoning that he tried to outline in one of his letters, but i think he seems to think that in times of a wide distribution of economic distress, a strange population increase occurs as well as an increase in puerperal psychosis. dmoll seems to think that during this time period, which may last over two or three generations, there may be certain configurations in genetic code that may culminate in a significant number of a population's susceptibility to suggestive behavior of alpha individuals. in short, notable evidence of a population willingly "following the leader." dmoll is smart, but i wonder if he really thinks that there is a causal link between genetic and behavioral structures. (page of Cdur's diary found on april 15, 1994 after the asylum fire, ed.)

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