A SPORTS CHRISTMAS WISH LIST (2002)

As the Holiday season approaches, it is time to take a gander at those in the sports world, and what gifts they could be expecting or should be getting during the Holidays.

First of all, some bananas for the Rally Monkey.

A real ownership group with real money for the Montreal Expos baseball team, that way the young talent already on the team can get paid and stay together to create a very dangerous team. The list doesn’t stop there for the Expos, who also have on their list a new city, with actual real life fans.

Some Kleenex for the New York Yankees, to wipe away the tears management is shedding over having to pay the luxury tax. I feel so sorry for them buying all this great talent every year. On second thought, they get no gift.

A starting pitcher for the Atlanta Braves, and while we’re at it, why not go ahead and pay the salary for that pitcher to help out the Braves even more. Oh, my fault, they already got that gift from the Florida Marlins.

A wake up call for the Dallas Mavericks. Someone tell this team that you cannot really win with Shawn Bradley at center, can you?

A wake up call of different sorts for the Los Angeles Lakers. Who would have thought the Lakers, in terms of won-loss record, would be just the second best NBA team…. in the city of Los Angeles!

For the New Orleans Saints, a defense that shows up for just one game. Hard to win in the playoffs allowing over 20 points per game.

A high-powered computer for the AFC to help figure out all the different playoff possibilities.

A kite for Lions head coach Marty Mornhinweg to go fly during his free time next year. It was either a kite or a football, I figured Marty would go with the wind over the ball.

Some new string for Cowboys owner Jerry Jones to control whatever new coach he hires next year after he fires Dave Campo.

Some potatoes for Houston quarterback David Carr, who has already gotten more than enough sacks from NFL defenses this season to put them in.

More bananas for the Rally Monkey.

A public speaking course for LeBron James, who has already started referring to himself in the third person – a sure sign of stardom.

A highlight film for Micheal Jordaon, showing the boxing match where Muhammad Ali got beat by Trevor Burbick, followed by clips of Willie Mays falling in the outfield chasing a fly ball, and hopefully a lesson for the great one to leave now, before some embarrassing moment of MJ clanking a dunk is etched in our memory.

A practice schedule for Allen Iverson.

Nothing but coal for AP voters, who honored Iowa’s Brad Banks as the AP College Football Player of the Year, then two weeks later voted him as just a second team All-American.

A standing ovation and round of applause for Emmitt Smith, who surpassed Walter Payton’s all-time rushing record this year, and did it with the class and professionalism Smith has shown throughout his career.

Yet another rumor for Troy Aikman, who has reportedly been contacted by every single team in the NFL to fill its quarterback position, except the teams who truly need a quarterback.

Some good ‘ol fashioned Draino for the NFL’s Arizona Cardinals, since their Plummer doesn’t seem to be getting the job done.

And last but not least, a chance for my beloved Cubbies, who have actually made some sensible moves this offseason in hiring a first-class manager, giving us hope that next year truly could be the year.