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motorcycle wisdom Sidecars Bus "Life is not a journey to the
grave
Some of the bikes we've owned over the last 44 years.
And some owned by Friends and other Enthusiasts!
Top Ten Reasons Bikers Aren’t Scary Anymore... 10. It’s hard to be scary in a minivan. 9. It’s hard to be scary when your cell phone goes off. 8. It’s hard to be scary when you drink wine spritzers. 7. It’s hard to be scary when you go to a biker party and everyone’s talkin’ about their prostate problems. 6. It’s hard to be scary when you fret over your stock portfolio. 5. It’s hard to be scary when you have more hair on your back than your head. 4. It’s hard to be scary when your bike battery goes dead and there's no kick start . 3. It’s hard to be scary when even little kids know that all doctors, lawyers, dentists and accountants ride Harleys. 2. It’s hard to be scary when Dennis Hopper is starting to look like Elmer Fudd. 1. It’s hard to be scary when your hemorrhoids hurt.
A
collection of Prince of Darkness jokes.
The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark." Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still claim "sudden, unexpected darkness" Lucas--inventor of the first intermittent wiper. Lucas--inventor of the self-dimming headlamp. The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF. The other three switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE. The original anti-theft devices--Lucas Electric products. "I've had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never experienced any prob... If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either. Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo? It sank. It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal Ohm's Law. They withdrew their efforts when they met too much resistance. Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night, since they all look the same?" "He replied, it doesn't matter which one you use, nothing happens!" Back in the '70s Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which didn't suck. Quality Assurance phoned and advised the Engineering guy that they had trouble with his design shorting out. So he made the wires longer. Why do the English drink warm beer? Lucas made the refrigerators, too.
Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone. Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: check the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times sunwise around your car chanting: "Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy servant." Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency.
My
wife is having an affair with her tennis coach.
I
really do understand the stock market.
If I'd had this bike instead of a Cushman Eagle when I lived at the fraternity
house in 1965, I might now be married to a former cheerleader named Veronica.
All my left shoes are made of steel, and all my motorcycle boots have laces.
My other bike is a van.
My
mother was an Episcopalian.
If
I'd wanted a Harley, I'd have bought a Harley. But I didn't, and I didn't.
The wife and I both feel that donuts are an unfairly maligned and
under-appreciated source of protein and
The sound system on my bike is permanently tuned to Public Radio, but when I
play it too loud I can't hear the cell phone.
I
have a professional-quality dartboard in our basement rec room, next to the real
ale tapper on the wet bar.
I
am the only mechanical engineer in our office with a Mohawk.
My Yugo is waiting for parts.
My 1965 short-wheelbase Land Rover is waiting for parts.
I'm not waiting for any parts. Ever again.
My mom is knitting me a warmer scarf for going to class.
If you need to borrow any books or videos on the Battle of Britain, the life of
Winston Churchill or Gordon's defense of Khartoum, I have an extensive library.
I
can pronounce both "Soichiro" and "Irimagiri" correctly. Also I own many
valve shims.
Desmo
Shcmezmo, I just wanna ride.
Our firstborn son is the only Ago Schmiddlekopf in the Milwaukee phone book. ·
I
am on my way to our insurance agent's office for a personal conference, during
which I will explain everything.
My husband thinks I believe he bought this bike just for me.
The Honda CBR1100XX was making me late for work.
I
have seen the The Great Escape, starring Steve McQueen 27 times. And so have my
two remaining friends.
I
have been fighting a lifelong, losing battle with the Dark Side.
My older brother is in the Air Force.
I
am on my way to the annual stationary steam engine and vintage farm implement
meet.
I
tried smooth and found it overrated. I am saving for a Stearman.
I
show the Luger collection only to a few close friends who know how to handle
them without leaving acidic or salty fingerprints.
I
am among that very small minority of human beings who honestly don't care what
anybody else thinks. If I did, I'd probably own a bike just like yours.
There are only six things in my refrigerator, and they are all beer.
My grandson thinks these computers are quite the coming thing, apparently.
My hair is not actually on fire, it's just a figure of speech.
since the bypass surgery, my dirt riding and energy level have improved
tremendously.
Ducatis
are all very well, but I don't find them quite Italian enough.
Sometimes I misspell the word "eccentric" on purpose, just to be different.
I
still own my first baseball glove, Warren Spahn-autograph model.
I
can curl more weight with one arm than you can move on a refrigerator dolly.
My wife is spending exactly $37,000 on our kitchen, just as soon as she can
find a contractor.
I
tried vibration and lassitude and found them overrated.
I
am on my way to the Harley shop to purchase a larger set of pistons.
This big air-cleaner housing is coming right off, just as soon as I can get
home to my toolbox. My high school letter jacket still fits. More or less. Suzuki GS 650: I
had a job once. Really I did!
Motorcycle Links
I got the following in an email from Kurt
Farris at
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