I've never been one to worry much about how much money I have in my pocket. This is sometimes an irritant to both my family and my creditors. The following paragraph kind of explains my philosophy of life.
An American businessman was at the pier of a
small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked.
Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American
complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took
to catch them. The Mexican replied, "Only a little while, Senor."
The American then asked, "Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more fish?"
The Mexican said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs.
The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"
The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my
children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each
evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy
life, Senor."
The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend
more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat with the proceeds
from the bigger boat you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a
fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would
sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would
control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this
small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually
NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise."
The Mexican fisherman asked, "But Senor, how long will this all take?"
To which the American replied, "15-20 years."
"But what then, Senor?"
The American laughed and said, "That's the best part. When the time is right you
would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very
rich, you would make millions."
"Millions, Senor? Then what?"
The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing
village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take
siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip
wine and play your guitar with your amigos."
Many of these links take you to someone else's page. Sometimes a page I can't control. I try to monitor them for really offensive content, but things sometimes change without my knowledge. If you see something really inappropriate, let me know. Remember, if you click on HOME on a page that isn't showing Cow Pasture, you may be taken somewhere else interesting..
Use the BACK button to come back here.
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is
lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon
further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above
this field."
"You must work in Information Technology" says the balloonist.
"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well" says the balloonist, "Everything you have told me is technically correct,
but it's no use to anyone."
The man below says, "You must work in Administration."
"I do" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," says the man, "You don't know where you are, or where you're going, but
you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we
met, but now it's my fault."
From Tom Hargrave Jr.'s HackPilot.com
25 Reasons why alcohol should be served at work...
Alabama Professional Engineering Exam
Alabama State Attorney Season and Bag Limits
Basic rules for driving in Atlanta
Car Manufacturing Philosophies
Early Retirement Policy for all Current Employees
Ever want to call someone stupid??
Fleetwood Homes and the Tennessee Vols FanClub Announce
How You Know You Are Getting Older
REDNECK DRIVERS LICENSE APPLICATION
Something To Offend Damn-Near Everyone...
Sometimes it DOES take a rocket scientist:
The Men's Guide to what a woman really means when she says something
The scoring system that men just aren't aware of
THINGS THAT IRRITATE A SANE PERSON
Things You Wouldn't Hear a Southerner Say
TOP 10 REASONS GOD CREATED EVE
Top 10 Summer Camps you should not send your kids to
Top 10 Things Men SHOULDN'T Say Out Loud In Victoria's Secret
Top 13 Signs You're Going To Spend the Rest Of Your Life Single
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?
WOMEN SPEAK IN ESTROGEN AND MEN LISTEN IN TESTOSTERONE
YOU JUST MIGHT BE A YANKEE IF...
YOU KNOW YOU WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT IF...
You know you're Italian when...
You know you're Redneck when...
You'll sleep much better tonight knowing these things
The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the US auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash. They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, "Oh, Shit!"
Only the state of Texas was different, where over 92.3 percent of the final words were:
"Hold my beer and watch this."
Dear
Lord:
Every single evening
As I'm lying here in bed
This tiny little prayer
Keeps running through my head.
God bless my Mom and dad,
And other family.
Keep them warm and safe from harm
For they're so close to me.
And God, there is one more thing
I wish that you could do.
Hope you don't mind me asking,
Bless my computer too.
Now I know that it's not normal
To bless a mother board,
But listen just a second
While I explain to you 'My Lord.'
You see, that little metal box
Holds more than odds & ends
Inside those small compartments
Rest so many of my FRIENDS.
I know so much about them
By the kindness that they give
And this little scrap of metal
Takes me in to where they live.
By faith is how I know them
Much the same as you
We share in what life brings us
And from that our friendship grew.
Please, take an extra minute
From your duties up above
To bless those in my address book
That's filled with so much love!
Wherever else this prayer may reach
To each and every friend,
Bless each email inbox
And the person who hits send.
When you update your heavenly list
On your own CD-ROM
Remember each who've said this prayer
Sent up to God.Com.
Amen.
Thank you, Jennifer
Click in circle for Internet Tech Support.
Are
you tired of all those mushy "friendship" poems that always sound
good but never actually come close to
reality? Well, here is a "friendship"
poem that really speaks to true friendship and truth
itself!
Friend,
When
you are sad, ...I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge
against the sorry bastard who made you
sad.
When
you are blue, ...I'll try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
When
you smile, ...I'll know you finally got laid.
When
you are scared, ...I will rag you about it every chance I get.
When
you are worried, ...I will tell you horrible stories about how much
worse
it could be and to quit whining.
When
you are confused, ...I will use little words to explain it to your
dumb ass.
When
you are sick, ...stay away from me until you're well again.
I don't
want whatever you have.
When
you fall, ...I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
This
is my oath, ...I pledge 'til the end. Why you may ask?
Because
you're my friend!
Send
this poem to ten of your closest friends and get depressed because
you realize
you only have 2 friends, and one of them is not speaking to you
right now anyway.
PS. A friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body.
Stuff I've Learned
I've learned- that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I've learned- that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.
I've learned- that it takes years to build up trust, and only suspicion to destroy it.
I've learned- that it's not what you have in your life but how much you have in your bank accounts.
I've learned- that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they're more screwed up than you think.
I've learned- you should always leave loved ones with loving words. You may need to borrow money.
I've learned- that you can keep puking long after you think you 're finished.
I've learned- that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities or politicians.
I've learned- that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.
I've learned- that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down - will be the ones who do.
I've learned- that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean you can't take advantage of them when they're passed out and naked in your bed.
I've learned- that your family won't always be there for you.. Of course, if you win the lottery, the hag, the philanderer, the screw-up, the missing one and the horse tooth girl will more than be there for "you".
I've learned- that we don't have to ditch bad friends. Their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves.
I've learned- that overzealous customs agents can change your life in a matter of hours.
I've learned- that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon. And all the less important ones just never go away.
What's the definition of a teenager?
God's punishment for enjoying sex.
A Prayer for The Stressed
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they pissed me off.
And also, help me to remember to be careful of the toes I step on today…as they may be attached to the asses I might have to kiss tomorrow.
Help me to always give 100% at work… 12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday, and 5% on Friday.
Oh yes, and help me to remember that when I’m having a really bad day, and it seems that people are just trying to piss me off, that it takes forty-two muscles to frown and only four to extend my middle finger upward and tell them to
Bite Me!
More to Come.....