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Chopper Mick from Scotland contributed these pieces of motorcycle wisdom

Bob Davis (boltsrightup) at SidecarTalk

got this from another list

 

Counter Steering:
If you push the left bar, the bike goes left.
If you push the right bar, the bike goes right.
That is, unless you keep pushing the right bar
all the way, then you will probably go left
while the bike swaps ends.

Crashing:
Remember riding isn't inherently dangerous...
crashing is.

The Sidelines:
It's always better to be on the sidelines wishing
you were on the track than on the track wishing
you were on the sidelines.

Fuel:
The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when
you're on fire.

The Rear Wheel:
The rear wheel is just a big fan used to keep the
rider cool and his butt relaxed. If in doubt...
watch. When it locks up or slides out you can
actually see the rider start sweating and pucker
marks appear on the seat.

Too Slow:
No one has ever hit something too slow.

Rides:
A 'good' ride is one you can walk away from.
A 'great' ride is one you can walk away from and
use the bike again.

Getting Hit:
They can't hit you if you're not there.

Mistakes:
Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't
live long enough to make all of them yourself.

Traction:
When traction is sparse, the probability of
survival is inversely proportional to the angle
of lean. Large angle of lean, small probability
of survival and vice versa.

Your Brain:
Never let a motorcycle take you somewhere your
brain didn't go five seconds earlier.

Fog:
Stay out of fog. The single red taillight you
think is another rider ahead that you can catch,
might be the red starboard light of a docked boat.

Parking:
Always try to keep the number of times you park
the bike equal to the number of times you've ridden it.

Luck & Experience:
You start with a bag full of luck and an empty
bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag
of experience before you empty the bag of luck

Mirrors:
If all you can see in your mirrors is the direction
you were previously traveling intermingled with sparks,
and all you can hear is commotion from the passenger
riding pillion; things are not at all as they should be.

Other Objects:
In the ongoing battle between objects made of metal,
rubber and plastic going dozens of miles per hour,
and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground
has yet to lose. Same holds for cars, trucks, walls
and most animals. Draws don't count.

Judgment:
Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately,
experience usually comes from bad judgment.

Going Forward:
It's always a good idea to keep the headlight end
going forward as much as possible.

Looking:
Keep looking around. There's always something you've
missed.

Laws:
Remember, gravity and centrifugal force are not just
good ideas. They're laws not subject to repeal.
 


Top Ten Reasons Why Harley Riders Don't Wave Back

10. Afraid it will invalidate warranty.
9. Leather and studs make it too hard to raise arm.
8. Refuses to wave to anyone whose bike is already paid for.
7. Afraid to let go of handlebars because they might vibrate
off.
6. Rushing wind would blow scabs off the new tattoos.
5. Angry because just took out second mortgage to pay luxury tax
on new Harley.
4. Just discovered the fine print in owner's manual and realized
H-D is partially owned by Honda.
3. Can't tell if other riders are waving or just reaching to
cover their ears like everyone else.
2. Remembers the last time a Harley rider waved back, he impaled
his hand on spiked helmet.
1. They're jealous that after spending $30,000, they still don't
own a Gold Wing.
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Top Ten Reasons Why Gold Wing Riders Don't Wave Back

10. Wasn't sure whether other rider was waving or making an obscene gesture.
9. Afraid might get frostbite if hand is removed from heated grip.
8. Has arthritis and the past 400 miles have made it difficult to raise arm.
7. Reflection from etched windshield momentarily blinded him.
6. The espresso machine just finished.
5. Was actually asleep when other rider waved.
4. Was in a three-way conference call with stockbroker and accessories dealer.
3. Was distracted by odd shaped blip on radar screen.
2. Was simultaneously adjusting the air suspension, seat height, programmable CD player, seat temperature and satellite navigation system.
1. Couldn't find the "auto wave back" button on dashboard.
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Top Ten Reasons Why Dual Sport Riders Don't Wave Back


10. Vibration of knobby tires prevented the rider from taking his hand off the bars.
9. MX style safety gear was too bright to see you wave.
8. His front fender prevents you seeing him wave back.
7. Was too busy configuring his GPS/Enduro Roll/FishFinder.
6. His rain/wind/thorn/bug/bird proof thousand-dollar jacket won't allow it.
5. Was too busy re-arranging his 500 pounds of soft-sided luggage.
4. Doesn't recognize a wave in any language other than German.
3. Too busy splitting lanes/filtering through traffic.
2. One handed wheelies are not easy.
1. On single-track trails you stop, not wave.

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Top Ten Reasons Why Sport Bike Riders Don't Wave Back

10. They have not been riding long enough to know they are supposed to.
9. If they took one hand off the bars they would break their teeth.
8. They look way too cool with both hands on the bars.
7. It's hard to put their hand in the air doing 175.
6. Their skin tight-kevlar-balistic-nylon-goose-leather suits prevent any position other than fetal.
5. One handed stoppies are ill advised.
4. They are waving, but you can't see it behind the neon green speed screen.
3. They were slipping their flip-flop back on.
2. Raising an arm allows bugs into the armholes of their tank tops.
1. They don't know how.
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Top Ten Reasons Why BMW Riders Don't Wave Back

10. New Aerostich suit too stiff to raise arm.
9. Removing a hand from the bars is considered "bad form."
8. Your bike isn't weird enough looking to justify acknowledgement.
7. Too sore from an 800-mile day on a stock "comfort" seat.
6. Too busy programming the GPS, monitoring radar, listening to ipod, XM, or talking on the cell phone.
5. He's an Iron Butt rider and you're not!.
4. Wires from Gerbings is too short.
3. You're not riding the "right kind" of BMW.
2. You haven't been properly introduced.
1. Afraid it will be misinterpreted as a friendly gesture.

 

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Top Ten Reasons Why Universal Japanese Motorcycle Riders Don't Wave Back

10. Something's buzzing around the tank.
9. Do you hear than noise the valves are making?
8. Trying to push start.
7. Just felt something shimmy.
6. Trying to isolate source of resonant shudder.
5. Hypnotized by digital gear indicator
4. Needs that hand to affect on-the-fly repairs
3. Previous owner replaced #3 with a 2.5
2.5. Mentally reviewing which parts use SAE and which use metric.
2. Wait, there's a number 2? This bike never had a #2, did it? ****!
1. Can't see your tank badge to determine what brand of bike you're on.
 

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Top 10 reasons why scooter riders don't wave

10. If you knew what a 10" wheel was like at 50mph, you wouldn't let go of the bars either.
9. And risk droping the PBR 12-pack?
8. Didn't see you - catching a few winks on the way home from an all night clambake.
7. It's a mod vs. rocker thing.
6. They just let the cloud of blue smoke trailing behind the scooter act as their "wave".
5. Hey, if you want 140 mpg, you gotta keep your elbows and knees in and your hands down on the bars.
4. The forty year old original hand grip on their vintage Vespa would fly apart if they let go of it.
3. Yes, I saw you. No Gucci - no gesture.
2. They're being filmed during a commercial shoot for a trendy lifestyle product nobody really needs.
1. Why do motorcyclists keep pointing toward the ground with two fingers when they ride by? What is that? What does it mean?

 

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Of course on a sidecar outfit everyone waves no matter what brand tug we have.  Right?


And you can't have a Motorcycle page without badmouthing poor old Joseph Lucas.

(courtesy of Paul Mossberg, New Jersey Replicar Club, February Motorcycles.htm)

 

Why didn't the Germans bomb the Lucas plants during WWII? The Germans considered Lucas an ally.

The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."

"And the Lord said 'let there be light'...Joseph Lucas replied 'no way, Lord, no way'."

Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still claim "sudden, unexpected darkness".

Lucas--inventor of the first intermittent wiper.

Lucas--inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.

The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF. The other three switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.

The original anti-theft devices--Lucas Electric products.

"I've had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never experienced any prob..."

If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either.

Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo? It sank.

It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal Ohm's Law. They withdrew their efforts when they met too much resistance.

Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night, since they all look the same?" "He replied, it doesn't matter which one you use, nothing happens!"

Back in the '70s Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which didn't suck.

Quality Assurance phoned and advised the Engineering guy that they had trouble with his design shorting out. So he made the wires longer.

Why do the English drink warm beer? Lucas made the refrigerators, too.

Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone. Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb. Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.

Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: check the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times clockwise around your car chanting: "Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy servant."
Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency.

Lucas is an acronym for Loose Unsoldered Connections And Splices.

In the 1980's Lucas tried to get into the newly burgeoning PC market, but they discontinued the product when they couldn't make it leak oil.

Why are there no skyscrapers in London? Lucas makes elevators

Lucas Factory motto, put in a good day's work then home before dark.

Why is there no death penalty in England? Lucas makes electric chairs.


Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency.