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Chopper Mick from Scotland contributed these pieces of motorcycle wisdom |
Bob Davis (boltsrightup) at SidecarTalk got this from another list |
| Counter Steering: |
Top Ten Reasons Why Harley Riders Don't Wave Back 10. Afraid it will invalidate warranty. 9. Leather and studs make it too hard to raise arm. 8. Refuses to wave to anyone whose bike is already paid for. 7. Afraid to let go of handlebars because they might vibrate off. 6. Rushing wind would blow scabs off the new tattoos. 5. Angry because just took out second mortgage to pay luxury tax on new Harley. 4. Just discovered the fine print in owner's manual and realized H-D is partially owned by Honda. 3. Can't tell if other riders are waving or just reaching to cover their ears like everyone else. 2. Remembers the last time a Harley rider waved back, he impaled his hand on spiked helmet. 1. They're jealous that after spending $30,000, they still don't own a Gold Wing. Top Ten Reasons Why Gold Wing Riders Don't Wave Back 10. Wasn't sure whether other rider was waving or making an obscene gesture. 9. Afraid might get frostbite if hand is removed from heated grip. 8. Has arthritis and the past 400 miles have made it difficult to raise arm. 7. Reflection from etched windshield momentarily blinded him. 6. The espresso machine just finished. 5. Was actually asleep when other rider waved. 4. Was in a three-way conference call with stockbroker and accessories dealer. 3. Was distracted by odd shaped blip on radar screen. 2. Was simultaneously adjusting the air suspension, seat height, programmable CD player, seat temperature and satellite navigation system. 1. Couldn't find the "auto wave back" button on dashboard. Top Ten Reasons Why Dual Sport Riders Don't Wave Back 10. Vibration of knobby tires prevented the rider from taking his hand off the bars. 9. MX style safety gear was too bright to see you wave. 8. His front fender prevents you seeing him wave back. 7. Was too busy configuring his GPS/Enduro Roll/FishFinder. 6. His rain/wind/thorn/bug/bird proof thousand-dollar jacket won't allow it. 5. Was too busy re-arranging his 500 pounds of soft-sided luggage. 4. Doesn't recognize a wave in any language other than German. 3. Too busy splitting lanes/filtering through traffic. 2. One handed wheelies are not easy. 1. On single-track trails you stop, not wave. Top Ten Reasons Why Sport Bike Riders Don't Wave Back 10. They have not been riding long enough to know they are supposed to. 9. If they took one hand off the bars they would break their teeth. 8. They look way too cool with both hands on the bars. 7. It's hard to put their hand in the air doing 175. 6. Their skin tight-kevlar-balistic-nylon-goose-leather suits prevent any position other than fetal. 5. One handed stoppies are ill advised. 4. They are waving, but you can't see it behind the neon green speed screen. 3. They were slipping their flip-flop back on. 2. Raising an arm allows bugs into the armholes of their tank tops. 1. They don't know how. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Of course on a sidecar outfit everyone waves no matter what brand tug we have. Right? |
And you can't have a Motorcycle page without badmouthing poor old Joseph Lucas.
Why didn't the Germans bomb the Lucas plants during WWII? The
Germans considered Lucas an ally.
The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."
"And the Lord said 'let there be light'...Joseph Lucas replied 'no way, Lord, no
way'."
Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still claim "sudden, unexpected
darkness".
Lucas--inventor of the first intermittent wiper.
Lucas--inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.
The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF. The other three switch
settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.
The original anti-theft devices--Lucas Electric products.
"I've had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never experienced any prob..."
If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either.
Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo? It sank.
It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to repeal Ohm's Law.
They withdrew their efforts when they met too much resistance.
Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the
owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night, since they all look
the same?" "He replied, it doesn't matter which one you use, nothing happens!"
Back in the '70s Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began
manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which didn't
suck.
Quality Assurance phoned and advised the Engineering guy that they had trouble
with his design shorting out. So he made the wires longer.
Why do the English drink warm beer? Lucas made the refrigerators, too.
Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone. Thomas Edison invented the Light
Bulb. Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.
Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: check the
position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times clockwise around your
car chanting: "Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy servant."
Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency.
Lucas is an acronym for Loose Unsoldered Connections And Splices.
In the 1980's Lucas tried to get into the newly burgeoning PC market, but they
discontinued the product when they couldn't make it leak oil.
Why are there no skyscrapers in London? Lucas makes elevators
Lucas Factory motto, put in a good day's work then home before dark.
Why is there no death penalty in England? Lucas makes electric chairs.