It started not long after Spike had become corporeal. Not long after he had boasted he was leaving…but instead had stayed.
It started after a meeting with the fourteenth client that week who made demands on Angel that Angel wasn't willing to concede—and it was only Tuesday afternoon.
It started because Angel was angry that he had to even consider compromising with such a low life in the first place…something he never would have done a year ago. A year ago, Angel would have snapped that same client's neck for even suggesting let alone demanding what he had demanded from him.
It started when Spike had walked in right after said meeting and began taunting him into yet another argument about something completely insignificant in the grand scheme of things.
It started because he had grabbed Spike's arm, intending to physically shove him out of his office, but had paused when he saw something flicker in the younger vampire's eyes. Something he could relate to. A need…to be touched, to touch, to have some sort of physical contact with another being—even if it was violent—because God knew neither of them got enough of it.
It started when he leaned in close, eyes trained on Spike's slightly parted lips…and Spike didn't pull away.
It started because Spike obviously wanted and needed it as much as he did.
Angel pushed into him over and over from behind, pressing Spike's torso and hips into the office wall with the force of his thrusts, knowing that it would keep starting again and again because in the end, they only had each other.
As much as it galled him to acknowledge it, Angel was acutely aware of the fact that Spike was the only one who comprehended what it was to be a vampire with a soul. He was the only one who could possibly understand the ongoing internal conflict between demon and soul that made Angel want to walk out into the sun at times…and at other times made him want to kill whoever got in his way—human or not.
In the end, Spike was the only one who understood and felt the same loneliness and isolation—even in a room full of friends—that he did, and so was the only one who could relieve it, even if just for the time it took to fuck up against a wall in between meetings with clients and employees.
Angel interlaced his fingers with Spike's against the wall and buried his face in the side of his neck. Spike silently reciprocated by baring even more of his neck to him and squeezing Angel's fingers between his.
It was in that moment that Angel acknowledged and accepted the fact that it had started for a lot of long, involved, complicated reasons…but it would continue because as much as they claimed to hate each other, they wanted and needed each other more.
~ Finis