Carella, thanks for your participation, I realize that it's probably not the most exciting thing going on in your life and I appreciate the time spent on this.  For those unaware, What is Turbovulva and what brought it to life?

Turbovulva is a texturalist orifice untightly wound in the minimally ornate if Gary Numan & Bauhaus would have indulged more in Suzi Quatro fantasies & slightly less refined anything for those lost like junkies & the padding of stroking your favorite Cure girl reaching inside her panties & touching just the very last tip with your tongue to trite Yes No Yes cabaret & hidden bubblegum lust.....the royalty of paints like a child.....inside are 50 ways to fuck Leather Tuscadero to The Wizard Of Oz. Everything has been done.  Everything is derivative blah blah fucking blah. If that's true SO FUCKING's time to deconstruct things & play with the pieces....& the lyrics are NOT a 1st person narrative so apply them any other way you wish.

You're also are in another project called Strap-on Sweetie.  Who's in Strap-on Sweetie and what spawned it into being?

Strap-On Sweetie is primarily Alex of Studio 11 Chicago & me.  We've known each other since about 1998 or somewhere around there.  He engineered Fanci Pantie Parlor among many other things.  I was standing around
Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas & decided to go out to the valet & call Alex in Chicago.  I told him I had a basic track for Mr Mrs Who U Don't Fuck, did he want to play some guitar & sing some shit over it, & we can call it
Strap-On Sweetie.  The next day we had the 1st track.  We were destined to do something & Strap-On Sweetie is it.


What would you describe as the ultimate goal of Turbovulva and Strap-on Sweetie?      

To be as successful as possible without sucking the dick of the old way & to influence a change in the way things can work from now on.


Do either Turbovulva or Strap-on Sweetie play live?

Turbovulva will most likely never be a live outfit.  Strap-On Sweetie on the other hand will be.  I'm sure at some point we'll play a couple Turbovulva tracks. Our plastic fuck doll keyboard player requested it.


Who and/or what would you cite as influences (Good or Bad)?

I came home by myself with a key in 1st grade so I had to learn to entertain myself.
Mix a Shout At The Devil attitude with a late 80's early 90's Wax Trax Records chaser & you've got some of the good. Vodka lemonade interstellar galactic glitter pansies, suit jackets with tennis shoes, & backstage at last year's World Music Awards would be some of the bad.


What are you currently working on and how would you describe it compared to your earlier work?

We're working on the 1st Strap-On Sweetie CD Dolls For The God Complex.  Since it's been a collaborative effort, one major difference has been not getting my way all the time.  A second major difference is Strap-On Sweetie has live drums.  The last major difference is that Turbovulva served as a bench mark to lessons learned so I/we can arrive at a more potent result with much less sweating the details.  There's so many songs now that it's a different beast.  There's a lot more to choose from.  Strap-On Sweetie appeals to a much wider spectrum.  It wasn't originally
plotted to be that way but that's what has happened without toning anything down.


Both Turbovulva and Strap-on Sweetie come across as fiercely independent.  if I understand correctly Turbovulva is independently released while Strap on Sweetie is receiving Major Label support.  Have the fat men in suits tried to dip their paws into the cocktail that is Strap-on Sweetie or have you been able to maintain complete control over content and the direction of the upcoming record?  

We have complete control over everything.  We've already had one minor incident on top of Four Seasons concerning such.  If we're going to support something until the end than it better be ours to support.  Besides, if the mainstream industry is going to be so bad then that's one noose we can't let go of.  We're fans 1st so we know how we want it & who in the audience is being left out right now.  We'll appease them & ourselves 1st & the rest...well...fuck the rest.  If someone wants to come along for the ride they can do it & if they don't.....don't.

The internet has made hearing new music easier and easier, although for every good band out there, there are a hundred more that so bad it's painful to even listen to them.  It's also made pirating of music much more prevalent.  What are your views on filesharing and the availability of music online?

Years ago they said the cassette tape would ruin the industry.  Then it was the DAT & writable CD.  Now it's supposed to be file sharing.  If it wasn't for sitting around taping friends' tapes while watching Headbanger's Ball & 120 minutes I might not be doing this.  If someone doesn't have the cash to pay for the music then they should find other ways to get it.  An audience is an audience - paid or not.  At this point the payment is more like a donation to a church.  You're paying for change.  You're paying for another way....another voice.  The payment isn't to line our pockets anymore.  The payment is to fuck the ones who stole your radio & MTV.  Remember, replacing the cassette with a cheaper product (the CD) & inflating the price was their biggest scam to date.  So file sharing is their proverbial & inevitable whatever with no vaseline.  It's a clusterfuck of their own making.

Who's to blame more for the sad state of commercial radio, consumers who continue to eat the crap that's fed to them or the corporations that own nearly every station out there that peddle it? 

Not to get too's an American problem.  America is, as a whole, getting more fat & ignorant.  Radio, movies, & everything else are just a reflection of that so the problems resides on all sides.  It's as obvious as the air we need to breathe.  If that many people can vote for a guy like Bush then that many people will purchase & support the same in music.  Crap is as crap does.


Outside of music what else interests you?

Film, photography, painting, isolation from the general public, & anyone who says the wrong thing at the right time.



What would you site as your greatest accomplishment up to this point?

Not working a regular job for years.  Monthly web traffic from 70-80 countries with zero mainstream press, radio, or any other conventional crutches.  So many said I couldn't spit on the industry but I have.  The web can sustain it.  My favorite way to sum it up is you can't blackball a black ball.  If the creme doesn't rise to the top then I'm going to swim to the bottom & push it up because the audience doesn't give a shit about which label & how.  They care about what they hear.

Gloria Estefan once sang that "the rhythm is going you".  Is this something that we should be concerned with?  Is she some sort of mad prophet, evil genius, or can we all ignore this and sleep easier at night?

Gloria Estefan is the devil & without the devil you can't have angels...or the other way around if that suits you.


Any final thoughts?

Take your drugs, do your vitamins, & if you can't find a place to land your plane, try Usher's nostrils. Thanks to you Tom & Cathedral 13.




Turbovulva's website                Strap-on Sweetie's website


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