The Dash

The Dash.  That is what the Hospice Nurses call it.  The Apostle Paul used the analogy of the race a number of times in scripture.  Even in life there is a “Dash to the finish”.  Thank God it is actually the beginning.

Arlene made a beautiful dash.  She was brave and courageous.  She touched many lives in her life and in her death.  Her giftings were very strong in mercy and encouragement.  The tool she used the most for drawing you in was her smile.  It was there for every person she met.  In all our years together, I never remember an expression of sadness lasting for very long, especially if you had come to visit.  She would always greet you warmly.  However if you were sad or sorrowful she would join you in it.  That was the mercy.  She felt what you felt and would allow you to feel it also.  She was that way through her life and she was the same through her death.  She did not want you to be sad because of her condition. 

Summer 2004

Arlene had an issue of blood for sometime and as usual for her, she was putting off going to a doctor.  She did not like to go to the Doctor!  I got her an appointment finally in July of 2004, which resulted in an appointment with a gynecologist.  He performed a biopsy on her uterus and discovered she had Endometrial cancer.  The lab said it was stage one and a full hysterectomy would take care of it.  The surgery was scheduled for August 3 and it went well.  Arlene’s recovery was nothing short of miraculous.  When we saw the doctor again he informed us that the first biopsy was wrong and the second biopsy showed that it was stage three and we were referred to an oncologist.  Dr. Chen said that there was good news, that the cancer cells were not found in the aortic limp nodes and the cancer should be confined to the pelvic area.  She even said that they may have got it all, but, we should do radiation and chemo therapy just in case.  We agreed.

Fall 2004

We still had a lot of hope and were confident that Arlene would be all right through all this.  In September we began the radiation therapy.  As Arlene was getting on and off the table for radiation, she started having some back pain.  At first we all thought that it was a pulled muscle.  It was difficult to get on and off the table.  It steadily got worse.  On the last day of the 28 days of radiation I had to roll her into the hospital in a wheel chair.  The doctor decided to do a MRI on her spine.  It revealed that she has partial compression fracture of her T8 thoracic vertebrae.  The MRI did not reveal any tumor activity in the spine and the doctors agreed that with the radiation therapy finished the partial fracture should heal.  Our Primary Care physician started treating the pain, assuming that in 4 or 5 weeks the back should heal on it’s own.

The treatment was using prescription strength Ibuprofen.  She was also on a blood pressure medication call Lisinoprel.  The pain got worse.  After a couple of weeks I took her into the doctor’s office in a wheelchair.  Her doctor took some blood and sent us home.  The next day she called and said she was arranging for Arlene to get a lung scan.  She called back in an hour and said she got more results from the blood test and that I should get her into emergency because her kidneys were in complete failure.  I rushed her to the emergency room and the triage nurse could not get a blood pressure.  In the emergency ward room they finally got a blood pressure of 80/30.  Pushing IV fluids they got it up to 90/30.  She stayed at that reading through that night.  After a number of tests on her kidneys, they put her into the Critical Care Unit (CCU).  I stayed with her there.  The Kidney specialist started talking about dialysis.  The next morning they brought in the kit and put it on the table.  They decided that they would begin the dialysis at 1:00pm.  That morning I began performing every power prayer I new.  At about 10am I was wearing down.  I cried out to the Lord that I did not know what to do.  He asked me what He had been teaching me.  I remembered that I had been contemplating listening prayer.  I said OK I would be quite and listen.  He said, “What did Arlene do when you had your bypass surgery.”  I said, “She put me on the altar.”  He said, “When are you going to do that?”  I said, “Right now Lord.  I surrender her to You.  If you take her home, OK.  If you put her on dialysis, OK. If you heal her, OK.  She is in your hands.”  When I finished, the automatic blood pressure cuff started to pump up.  That reading was 105/36.  It continued to increase every time it pumped.  When the doctor came in after Noontime. It was 126/56.  The nurse told the doctor that her kidneys started to output and was increasing every hour.  He decided to wait until 6PM for the dialysis.  At 6 he decided to wait until morning.  The next morning, the decision was made to put Arlene in a regular ward.  When we went to the floor the charge nurse that interviewed Arlene decided to put her in a private room.   I was able to get a cot and stay with her 24/7 until she came home.  It was not the best floor of the hospital and it was good that I could be there to take care of her.  During that week we were in, we had several events that were difficult.  On several occasions her heart rate went out of control.  They finally had to push Lopressor through her IV.  She was then put on Lopressor orally.  We finally came home from that and continued to treat her pain in hopes that her back would heal.  It continued to get worse. 

Thanksgiving

During Thanksgiving week, we decided to go in to the hospital on Monday to have them treat her back.  She was in such pain when she moved I called 911 and had an ambulance take her in.  She was able to walk from the bed to the stretcher in the living room.  That was as far as she could make it at that time.  In the emergency room they transferred her to our favorite floor in the hospital.  We didn’t know it was the favorite at the time.  The nurses and aids were wonderful and fell in love with Arlene, of course.  They were there even when we didn’t need them.  I had requested a private room that time.  I wanted to be sure that I was there to take care of her and support her emotionally.  I had a cot and we lived in the hospital until Christmas. 

They began testing her with Cat scans and X-rays.  During one of cat scans they spotted nodules in her liver and lungs.  This is when they discovered the Cancer had spread.  Our Oncologist, Dr. Chen, was still hopeful that the chemotherapy would take care of it.  She was always encouraging.  She is a doctor who prays.  We were still trying to get the back problem under control.   The Spine specialist ordered another MRI of the T8.  This time it showed that there was a tumor in the vertebrae.  The decision was made to treat it with massive doses of radiation.  Normally that worked well in these cases.  This time it didn’t.  She still had the pain and at this time her paralysis began.  It started with tingling and her ability to move her legs was lost.  We were about 2 weeks into our stay at the hospital. 

The Oncologist was concerned that the cancer in the lungs and liver might be a different kind.  So she ordered a needle biopsy on the liver.  That was done by a Radiologist using the Cat scan machine.  When Arlene came out of room she was experiencing pain around her liver.  They put her back on the machine and the doctor said he saw bleeding but it appeared to be clotting.  He did help the transporter to take her back to her room and stayed with her.  After they transferred her into her bed, she went into shock and he called a code.  Her blood pressure was undetectable.  The room filled with people.  There was no room for me even though she was calling for me.  I was in emotional agony.  They were bringing in armloads of IV fluid and blood.  She was in terrible pain.  She would tell them that she didn’t want to die, that she had to much work to do for the Lord.  After she was stabilized, they moved her to CCU again.  When they transported her, she had 3 bags of IV fluid and one bag of blood hanging.

In CCU for 2 days, she was in pain.  She then went back to the regular floor.  She had survived another trip to death’s door.  We were seeing miracles over and over.  I would later wonder why. 

She was not finished yet.  The amazing thing was to watch the nurses and aids responding to her.  Through it all, she rarely lost the smile.  She would greet them with it even when she was in pain.  They would come and visit her during their breaks.  She was a constant witness of the wonderful God that she worshipped and loved.  She shared her life and the goodness of a Father who loves her.  The comment I heard most often was they hoped that they could be like her.  They were seeking and she was delivering.  They would come in and hold her hand and kiss her and hug her.  The day we moved up to the Oncology ward all of the 2 shifts of staff met her in the hall to wish her well, touch her and express their love for her.  Many of them confessed that she had changed their relationship with God.  Three of them declared that they did not even believe in God before they met Arlene.  Now they believe in the salvation that Jesus had given them.  Several of them were pastor’s kids that were no longer walking in the faith but had come back after spending time with Arlene.  They came and visited her after their shifts were over when she move to the Oncology ward.  Then the same thing happened on the Oncology ward.  It continued with home health aids and hospice nurses.  It was an amazing time watching God use her.  The stream of people who visited her were all blessed when they came to visit her.  She had a word and a blessing for everyone that came. 

That is why the miracles came at those times – for those she blessed.  At first, after the final bad news, I wondered why He didn’t just take her during the kidney failure or the liver puncture.  At the end I understood it.

After another week on the regular ward, she was moved to the Oncology ward where she received a treatment of chemotherapy.  She was sick from the chemo.  It then became a goal to get her home and to out patient care for the chemo.  By this time she was completely paralyzed from the waist down.  She had pain when she was moved for cleaning.  The rest of the time she was OK with the pain.  We had break-through medicine if the pain came up between the clean-up seasons.  We would give her meds before a cleaning session.  I became the only one to roll her over during the clean-up times.  In fact, I became the one in charge of her care and would be consulted on med changes from the doctors.  We tried taking her home about four days before Christmas.  She was not over the chemo and the tumor activity may have been high.  She threw up all-night, was dehydrated and had to go back to the hospital the next day.  They got her back on the IV and she recovered.   They put a pic line in her vein and sent her home on Christmas Day with and IV system that I had to learn to operate and care for. 

Christmas

She had improved and was holding down some food by then.  I had the ambulance crew put her in her recliner in the living room.  We had Christmas with the whole family.  Dawn, Richard, Suzanna and Jimmy.  Bob, Patty, Josh and Casey.  That was a miracle and a huge blessing.  Christmas was the most important day of the year for Arlene.  She loved it.  We had a small tree, exchanged gifts and watched with joy Casey’s second Christmas.  Arlene was flying high.  After the celebration, I called the fire department to request the wonderful service they provide to the bedridden.   They came out and picked her up in her sheet and put her in the hospital bed in the bedroom.  There she stayed until her death.

A beautiful expression of love occurred during the following week.  Our dear friend from Georgia, Shari MacKenzie, was visiting her sister and also our dear friend Jackie Mostoller in Somerset, PA.  We have ministered a number of times at their churches in Pennsylvania and Georgia.  The church in Pennsylvania flew Jackie and Shari to us and they prayed and ministered to Arlene for three days until New Years Eve.

New Years

The day before New Years Eve, the Home Care Nurse came and took a blood sample.  It was to check her tumor activity.  On New Years Eve, Dr. Chen called me.  She said the tumor activity had tripled and the Chemotherapy was not working and we should not continue it.  She said Arlene had 2 weeks to 2 months to live.  We were devastated.  I could not believe it.  Dr. Chen suggested that we go on Hospice care. 

On News Years Day we had a celebration.  About forty people came to our little single-wide home.  Mike Nault brought his guitar.  People went into the bedroom in shifts and sang and worshipped.  Arlene danced in her bed and worshipped the God she loved.  It was amazing.  The outpouring of love blew her away. 

Two days later the Hospice nurse came to check Arlene into the program.  After she checked out Arlene, she brought me into the kitchen and ask me if I had made arrangements yet.  I told her I had made some contacts.  She said I should hurry because she didn’t think Arlene would make it through the night.  Her breathing and color and urine output was not good. 

January 2005
By the end of that week I was having sense that God was going to heal Arlene.  It made no sense looking at her condition and all the signs.  Yet, she started to improve.  Over the months to come, it seemed that the only thing wrong with her was her back.  Her appetite became normal.  Her outputs became normal.  Her water intake was good.  She was alert with her breathing normal.  I set out to get everyone there that she wanted to see.  My Sister came from Alabama.  Suzanna flew back from Indiana.  Dawn, Richard, and Jimmy were there.  Bob, Patty, Josh and Casey came to visit.  And the rest of the “Family” came from all over New England and were blessed.  Everyone came and went away blessed and ministered to.  She was amazing.  More aids and nurses came to the Lord or renewed their relationship with Him.  What an amazing time.  So she did have a healing.   She not only lived through that night, she lived passed the predicted two months.  She was not finished yet.

She asked Dawn to get out her pictures.  As she went through the pictures, she would ask that some would be put up on the mirrored closet door.  They were of the extended family.  She would look at them everyday and say, “When I look at those pictures I see the face of God.”  She saw God in everyone. 

Happy Birthday! (Feb. 6)

We celebrated again on her birthday, Feb. 6.  On that day I gave her a copy of the Arlene Carroll Appreciation Web page.  (www.thenewlife.us/arlene)  She read it and wept.  She looked at me and said “I am truly loved”.  That was a revelation she needed.

Palm Sunday

On Palm Sunday, Bob, Patty, Josh and Casey came to visit.  Dawn had gone to be with her family and was in Indiana.  Arlene needed to see Bob and his family.  That night after they left she started to slide.  She lost her swallow reflex.  She was breathing hard and noisy.  It is called ‘the death rattle’.  By Monday she was in a deep sleep.  She was peaceful.  Our hospice nurse, Paulette, came and said she would not make it through the night.  At 4:00 the next morning Arlene cleared her throat and said, “Good morning.”  At 5:00 I fed her some Cream of Wheat and we talked for hours.  Precious talk.  Sweet talk.  By night she was back into the deep sleep again and did not really wake up again.  Saturday night she started to breathe slower.  She was very peaceful through all this.  I spent my time talking to her.  She did not answer.  That night I only dozed, I didn’t sleep much.  Mostly just held her hand. 

Easter Morning

I was dozing at about 5:00 in the morning when I heard her sigh.  I turned up the light and watched her.  She wasn’t breathing and did not have a pulse.  She had gone home.  The sun was breaking through the windows.  Sunrise on Easter Sunday morning.  She always had a flair for the dramatic.  In the family we affectionately called her a ‘drama queen’.  I had arranged with the Family and extended Family that I would call those that needed closure to come and see her before she was taken away.  Arlene and I had decided that she would be cremated and we would not have a viewing.  A dozen people came.  I called the Hospice nurse to come and make the pronouncement at about 7:30 am. 

The nurse came in and told me that she was filling in because the nurse on duty was singing at church.  Since she wasn’t going to church it was no problem for her.  She went into the bedroom at took a step backward.  She exclaimed, “She is beautiful and she is smiling.”  She said she had never seen such a smile and she had done many pronouncements.  I told her that it was the result of a Spirit-led life and she knew where she was going.  She turned and said, “You are the ministers aren’t you.”  I had not met her before this but, the nurses talk with one another about their cases.   I replied that we are and that I knew she was in heaven.  She said, “I believe in heaven but, I don’t believe in God.”  I said, “That takes a lot of faith to not believe in God.”  That resulted in a conversation that finished with her accepting the Gift of salvation.  As she was leaving she said that Easter had never meant anything to her before but this is truly a glorious day.  After she left I looked at Arlene and said, “One more time we were a team.”  That infectious smile was still working, bringing in one more soul into the Kingdom of God.  Great is her legacy.

I am so proud that she was my best friend, wife, companion and lover for 42 incredible years.  We were a good team.